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Whippy

art for a living...what a joke

by
I refused a commission today. I usually refuse based on two simple causes: I really dislike the person or I really dislike what they want me to do. The other reason I would refuse is of course due to already owing a bunch of people.

Today was rather depressing for me though. I started off quite well, drawing a lil bit, then eating and watching some sylvanian families. Daddy Duck wanted a comish, and offered to pay me what I'd blown in grocery money yesterday ($40). He gave me lots of refs for it, but my heart sank as I read what he wanted. I decided to refuse because I felt pretty depressed at that point. I announced I was ending the stream and another watcher pointed out that Lando's stream was just starting...joy..what perfect timing. I stepped away from my computer and walked down the road for a while. When I got back, the light on my modem was red - the internet was dead...joy.

I think that maybe doing art for a living...at least for furries...could be a shitty idea for income. They look for porn....I try to dig up some personal meaning and have a little fun. They see the character....I see a collection of art techniques.  They want it now....I want to shut out all the noise and get lost in what i'm doing.  

Trying to stream when depressed has gotta be one of THE worst ways to handle it.

I don't want to wait for people to appreciate what I do. It's especially bad when streaming as opposed to working alone. It's double bad when you need to make money and everybody is clamoring to go somewhere else.

I keep looking for something to put my heart into. The irony is I've tried everything but drawing real art for myself. Instead it's like I go out there with a "show me I matter please" sticker on my forehead. And people WILL let you down every time. Their values..can't be your's.  It's an empty feeling...really.

*sighs* I'm probably rambling now
*swallows some melatonin and crawls into bed*
Viewed: 218 times
Added: 6 years, 2 months ago
 
tannim
6 years, 2 months ago
your abstracts those few times in paintchat were quite pleasant.  If you draw some real media of those, or even digital, you could probably sell them.
CLCoon
6 years, 2 months ago
all I can say hun is one thing, go into what im doing, go into a college, get a certification in art that could get you a job that pays really well (advertising, storyboarding, animation, etc etc) and live life happy with what your doing. <=3

the test is free btw! <3
http://www.artinstructionschools.edu/
BillySquirrel
6 years, 2 months ago
Define what art is to you. Is it a means of living, or an expression of it? Is it therapy, or a paycheck? It can't be both. Drawing for money means playing on demand, and expressing what someone else wants. You have to put your self aside for that, and still make it look like you give a damn. It's not for everyone. Drawing for yourself is more spiritually fulfilling, but it means having to work at some place that doesn't give a damn how beautiful you are on the inside. There's no such thing as a job you love. I wish it were otherwise.
Lando
6 years, 2 months ago
Why was it bad that I started streaming? :(
keokitsune
6 years, 2 months ago
you know what you did
Lando
6 years, 2 months ago
;-;
thecapedmanlloyd
6 years, 2 months ago
You did nothing wrong. My guess was that he felt used. As he ended his stream. Everyone else pretty much said. 'lets go to Lando's stream' and ask him for stuff. It does not really make anyone feel good because to him, they only came around for porn and that's not good for any artist.
BillySquirrel
6 years, 2 months ago
My best guess? It wasn't. But it contributed to his sense of futility. "Oh well, the well ran dry here, let's go watch that other guy. They're a dime a dozen." Probably not verbatim what he felt like, but something along those lines possibly.
Whippy
6 years, 2 months ago
Launny
6 years, 2 months ago
drawing = just to have fun.. everything aside is consequence

and..yeah.. to stream you should be ok to that
RottenRobbie
6 years, 2 months ago
^ This
thecapedmanlloyd
6 years, 2 months ago
It's not like that though. Sure drawing for people was fun at first because you did something people liked. Later on down the line, it starts to feel empty. It's how I'm feeling right now. It's just not fun to draw anymore. Most here and on FA see porn. Myself, I see art. It's art to me first before I see porn. I treat them as a tool I can use to better my art style.

Tae
Tae
6 years, 2 months ago
I'm just going to go out in a limb and say that buisness is buisness, it doesn't matter if another person stream or not, if you want people to come to your stream and see/buy art, give the opeople what they want instead of complaining of someone stole/mis-took your viewers. And another thing, you can't expect people to buy art every single time you stream. What you need to do is do it once per week, MAYBE a day were people who has/will get paid from work or other sources, perhaps a weekend.

Anyway, as Tecraudio said, drawing is about fun, so don't get blastical about people not tending to it.
DaddyDuckyBE
6 years, 2 months ago
Well...I remembered how my totally G-rated commish early this year made you really frustrated. And I saw you churning out porn pix, and that you started doing them as commishes. Plus, you seemed pretty hyper at the start of tonight's stream, including about the prospect of doing commishes, which you kept telling us in the stream to get from you. I even said how surprised I was how routine and cool you were seeming about doing commishes for a living now, but it seems you didn't see it when I said that.

So, well...I went and asked you about an idea I've had for quite some time, but the artists I had in mind before just disappeared for one reason or another. I'm sorry for having frustrated you again buckling. *tight hug* And if that's any consolation, I didn't watch anybody else's stream.
Athari
6 years, 2 months ago
I wonder, what have you asked to draw? :)
DaddyDuckyBE
6 years, 2 months ago
Basically, dom Gos giving Darkwing a handjob and ruining his orgasm at the very last moment, with his cum shooting out but her not pumping anymore, with appropriate dialogues from each. First wanted Gos as a shemale loli, but that was a red flag for Looq right away, so I suggested we just wouldn't have her groin within the frame. Then he read the rest and said it was too cruel for him.
Athari
6 years, 2 months ago
Orgasm denial is too cruel? o_O Different people, different opinions, huh?
Whippy
6 years, 2 months ago
i never said it was too cruel. I don't like dick girls, it just grosses me out.
Whippy
6 years, 2 months ago
It's not too cruel. I just don't like dick girls and veiny red and purple penises. It grosses me out. I also don't like being so meticulous over the details you want on them. It's not my thing. Sorry. I'm sure you can find other artists to do them though.
LioMynx
6 years, 2 months ago
If I could make a suggestion Looq, you could always offer to do something else you are more in the mood for instead of stopping right then and there.  I could also suggest that you could offer to do said commission on a later time when you feel more up to it.  Take the guy to the side and negotiate if you like.  I hope any advice helps you Looq, don't feel too crushed there bud :(
ChanceProwlers
6 years, 2 months ago
Personally I would rather have cute or funny things, then porn. Like, my character dancingto that "I'm a kitty cat" song in his pajamas, or something silly.
ScottyKat
6 years, 2 months ago
* huggles all over a looq*
Nicobay
6 years, 2 months ago
you have to draw what YOU like , if people dont like , well , they ignore the picture or something like that .
you dont like X or Y in comission , you dont do it , its simple , if the dood really want the pic , he can find a artist that will do X or Y fetish .
you want take a break ? its your life ! your fan will understand and you TRUE fan/friend will prefer to know that you take a break that keep drawing in a bad mood .
my opinion :p
samsondrave
6 years, 2 months ago
So, what are you going to do for a living if not being an artist?
MichaelJBear
6 years, 2 months ago
*Hug*
Inkdog
6 years, 2 months ago
Heyo, don't let a slow night get you down! I'm sure no one meant any harm by hopping to Lando's stream--you were closing down for the night anywho, right? Besides, you're a great artist, and people will come to you with their ideas regardless if you feel like drawing porn or not!

I really hope you feel better soon.
AltheAlbinoFox
6 years, 2 months ago
Trying best I can to imagine what that feels like… I start to wonder if you go out there trying to prove you matter to someone, and wind up in kind of the opposite by comparing yourself against others? (Maybe I just say this because I'd be pretty sad too if I had to rely on comparing myself to the others around me, and I'm not the only one.) Quite possibly mentioning Lando in that context might trigger an unintended reaction like that =/ (You aren't just another face in the crowd, buddy! And I sure didn't wanna leave as long as you were still there.) Comparing your artistic needs with another's desires, as well, always leaves a gap to bridge… so…

Drawing when you're down might still be good, but don't let it be a time to get bogged down in other's demands or concerned over their judgements…. Do take it easy on the commissions those days if you feel so affected, and don't blame yourself for ‘letting them down’ in that case as it's only doing the most healthy thing for everyone.
EtherRu
6 years, 2 months ago
I've spent a remarkable amount of time not reading journals, but something compelled me to read today.  I'm glad that I did.  Looq... your fans, the culture of the entire internet (only slightly different from the face that the world wears in public) is, as I am sure you have discovered, largely ignorant.  They feel the need to state unwelcome opinions and base those opinions as 'facts' derived from here-say, and spend the rest of their time demanding more free stuff, while complaining about the free stuff that they already have.  No matter what charity is offered, the provider is often considered a douche bag, because it wasn't enough (it never is).  Commissions are only more complicating because there is money involved and a certain lack of understanding (compassion or sensitivity towards the feelings of the artist or the complications of their everyday lives).  The artist becomes a tool with a dollar sign.
This, not to mention that, the moment that an artist of any form puts themselves out into the open, they are subject to the endless whining and stupidity that squabbles from within their audience... the very same masses that seemingly have nothing better to do, than to cause chaos and bad feelings wherever they may digitally roam.  You are giving too much of your heart to too few that actually care, Looq.  Don't let their petty, meaningless opinions hinder you.  If you don't want to draw something, then don't.  If they don't like it, then tough.  You will be appreciated by those that truly care about you, and those that admire your work for what it is and the style that you present.  Be what you are and be loved for who you are and not what others wish you to be.
I don’t presume to know you, and while I might like to, I will simply have you think of me as a kind stranger with friendly advice.  You have more value than they can buy… if only you could see your own worth.  There are others, I am certain, that share my opinion, and it would do well to remind you that you're not alone.
NonnyFox
6 years, 2 months ago
Well said and I second it.
DaddyDuckyBE
6 years, 2 months ago
I don't see Looq as a tool with a dollar sign! He just kept asking everybody in his stream to commish him. After a number of people kept saying they're broke, I suggested an idea that I'd had for a few months but never found an artist to do it, and asked him how much that would be. The 40 bucks weren't my idea. When he turned my idea down, it was no big thing for me, but it obviously was for him.
Whippy
6 years, 2 months ago
There were other factors. I don't find it easy working for you honestly, never have really. It's probably better if I just don't.
DaddyDuckyBE
6 years, 2 months ago
Yes, that's alright for me buckling. I wish it wouldn't bother you so when you have to turn me down.
Thanatos
6 years, 2 months ago
Which is why I appreciate the musings ofOscar Wilde on the topic of "art imitates life? life imitates art?"
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