TLDR: It's time for some changes. I'm going to drastically cut back on my writing from here on out. I doubt I'll completely stop, but it's going to be reduced to likely a few pieces a year instead of "one per month".
Long Version + Excuses:
...I'm tired. Holy fuck, I'm so tired. This year has been heavy for a lot of people, I know. But it has taken a significant toll on me lately. Most of you may know of my fatigue condition, and well... It's been getting worse over the years. It seems everytime there's a tragedy in my life, it gets cranked up a few knotches. As you can imagine that me losing my mother, home for the past decade, the last birthday present I got her (pet bird), and having to leave a lot of things behind... On top of the pandemic and just... freaking "2020"...
I just don't have the energy to keep doing this. I don't have the will to write at minimum of 30 pages every month. I've been writing for seven years, and I... Can't find a reason to continue doing so, not one that appeals. And yes, I've gone through the basics:
-Write For Your Fans: You have no idea how hard this is, specifically when time and time again these submissions are left comment-less. Giving the impression that no one reads these things- and I don't mean "no comments 10 seconds after it's been posted". It's often years before people even see these things or even decide to say something about it. And by then... It's almost too late, because it felt like someone else got the credit for it, not "current you."
-Write For Your Mental Health: This is a double edged sword. Sure, sometimes I do feel good writing certain pieces, usually the ones that actually don't have any sex in them. But the disappointment when they flop... It's just not worth it. It makes me feel so much worse, and on top of that; I just wasted sometimes months of writing on something no one even glances at.
-Write For Yourself: This... Doesn't work. Mostly because I have ENOUGH. And I've honestly haven't been able to read back through a lot of the recent two year's worth due to feeling like "I should be using this time to write new content." Once in a while? Yeah, it can work for a little while. But it runs into the same issues as the two above, and I question whether or not it's been worth the time & effort spent doing it in the first place.
...Maybe it's just a phase, but right now... I'm just tired. Tired of the circles, tired of the gambles that never work in my favor. Tired of spending hours upon hours of my time attempting to keep a dead media alive with my mediocre writing.
But I won't be "Quitting" specifically. Just reducing it from being a "way of work" back down to a "Hobby without limitations/deadlines". However, I don't know how much of it will be... 'Story Material'. Odds are it'll just be small sessions here and there, because apparently that's what 95% of people care about. Not saying that the others out there don't exist, especially when it comes to the Waiting For Tonight series, but... This was only a matter of time regardless.
Sorry for making your 2020 worse
~Bartan
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3 years, 6 months ago
23 Oct 2020 00:40 CEST
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