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Whippy

semi-back

by
Been making myself go to be a little more regularly now and actually listening to my body instead of taking a melatonin pill to force myself to sleep. Huh, guess the ol pineal gland still works after all. I still get depressed feeling / tired in the afternoons though. Made myself take a walk outside today for once in...i can't remember. Saw a whole bunch of deer outside in the front yard, it was pretty surreal. They watched me just as intently as I watched them. How lucky I thought, that they get to roam around where ever they please. Hopping over fences, snacking on whatever looks good, and never having to be a part of this silly society with all it's nuerotic tendencies.  

I'm currently in the middle of RMA hell also ^^; I bought a monoprice tablet, only to find that you can't lock in to one monitor only. I also spent money on a Wacom Intuos3 9x12 then paniced the next morning and cancelled my order on Amazon. It was a new seller with no feedback at all, so after I'd slept, I realized it was a pretty big risk. Luckily with amazon as the middle man they refund your money in a day or two. So till then $180 of my dough is in limbo land, along with another $50 for monoprice. Yay, ghost money. So far that's a wacom stylus, a monoprice tablet, and another wacom tablet that i've rejected / RMA'ed in less than two weeks. Boy...what luck...

On a positive note, ArtHawk has been molested by my paws again. It now has a pause function, a stop function, a max download slider that goes up to 20, a watch list fetcher that fetches the watch list of whatever user name you give it, a help text thingy (still w.i.p.), and a nicer about box (planning). I'm going to include a bit of my own drawings on those last two just to give it a funny personal touch :)

Starting to think I'm missing the MGAT2 gene lately 0_0. Here's a short article about it I just read. I 'used' to weigh 150lbs when I was 18 or 19. I still weigh 150lbs 10 years later.  Don't worry lol I pay for that every winter. I used to worry about getting bigger but apparently, that's not very possible.  Guess that's why I really love it when it's literally 90+ here. Sooo damn comfy ^.^  Wouldn't even mind sweating. Come on summer, melt my ice cream cones, make my sandals gooey, I dare ya!  

And as for streaming.... I think I make better art when I do it by myself and for myself. Listening to 'helpful' suggestions + requests + debates + whatever else while trying to make art that I care about is....next to impossible. I don't like thinking or worrying about what other ppl think about what I make, at least not afterwords. But right in the moment when I'm actually making art...geeez....that's hell. I do like most folks that stop by, they polite, friendly, well intentioned. But I just can't get myself in the right mindset with ppl chatting around me. I remember I used to work alone A LOT back in 2008-2010.   I don't really know if I can even draw anymore with 1 person talking to me on skype. I don't mean this as a negative thing toward anyone. It's just....the way my brain works...I can't help that.  Art + a little solitude is pretty much the traditional way artists work - at least so I've read. It makes sense. So, if I have a comish, I'd perfer to work on it by myself. Heh, think of it like I go into my cave, make some cool stuff, and come back out and show it around.

So atm I'm just window shopping for another Intuos tablet. Can't decide between the 3 or the 5 yet, I'll just wait it out. Or save up for a new computer. Still learning the best way to go about this "doing art for money" thing. A lot of it just just the way I approach making art that's mine. Not used to taking requests/orders/demands at all when it comes to that. I think that's why I like to keep people away when I do the art thing. I mean like one time doesn't matter, but multiply that enough times and it's stressful, even if the person doesn't intend it. From outer appearances (at least what i've seen) some furry artists are able to talk to 10+ people at the same time on skype, reply to 10+ people in the chat box, and still manage to paint or draw perfectly smooth lines in their art program like it's nothing. Ah well, I ain't super extrovert man so, deal with it :P My brain, one idea, one canvas, nothing else exists at the moment. ^^

Okay, InkBunny's about to die, that's it for now!

Viewed: 57 times
Added: 6 years, 3 months ago
 
tannim
6 years, 3 months ago
If you are always indoors and never outside, you can get cabin fever.  A sort of psychological problem where your bodywants to do something.  You get agitated and a bit lethargic and look it up.  Try going outside for a good 15 to 20 minutes a day or every other day or even every 3rd day.  Do something outside that isn't just going to a car to go into another building a while later.

Breathe Right Nasal Strips help me sleep better, but they are expensive.  My last batch were 26 cents per strip because I bought $224 of them from ebay for however much it was.  Usually they are far more expensive, between 30 cents to 50 cents per strip!  One strip is only good for one use.  It DOES feel good to breath easier though.  Only one of my nostrils really works at any given time usually.

Drawing with people as actually drawing together on the same canvas is good.  Drawing on a stream, isn't really very useful except one on one with a commissioner.  The live feedback can help them get what they want and save you work for paid art.
HeavyheartHare
6 years, 3 months ago
As for the deer, I hear ya! But then if they get broken bones, or sick...

I used to weigh 120 pounds (at six foot tall). I weigh about the same, ten years later lol.

As far as streaming, I wish I could catch you more, I love the art you do. And the only "suggestion" I would make is to do what comes to YOUR mind (...and maybe add a care bear hehehehe). :)
Whippy
6 years, 3 months ago
That's true, it would suck being out there with no medical help or the means to do it :/

Hahaha! Sounds like you're about like me with the skinny thing!

Thanks for the suggestion XD Have you seen the Butterick Care Bear paintings? I looooove their design!
soggymaster
6 years, 3 months ago
There's a workaround for your solution, art wise anyway.  You could publish your work, whatever kind of work it might be, but comic or graphic novel would likely be best - that way you're still working by yourself on what you want to work on and still making a bit of cash on it.  Even if your work doesn't sell well, it might be better than taking commissions.
SenGrisane
6 years, 3 months ago
What about OpenCanvas doodles? Could we still make those?
Whippy
6 years, 3 months ago
Yes. I like the interaction there ^^
SenGrisane
6 years, 3 months ago
Then poke me when you have time :3
mousehwolf
6 years, 3 months ago
Glad to hear you're doing better :)

Hope everything goes well for you and your art :)
DaddyDuckyBE
6 years, 3 months ago
You've been complaining about the fact that all those people were watching and talking on your stream before, and disappeared for some time. Then you came back, and only two or three people were in your next stream because you'd made that journal about *TOO MANY* people. You complained in a new journal that *NOT ENOUGH* people had been watching, and again you disappeared. I told you on that last journal that you can't seem to make up your mind. When you came back, you replied to me that you'd never said there had been too many, you'd only ever said there'd been too little audience and that it makes you feel unloved and that the only problem you have would be what people are talking *ABOUT*.

And now, you're back to complaining about *TOO MANY* people.
Whippy
6 years, 3 months ago
*sighs*
hey, i get depressed, it doesn't have to be logical.

1st time - It wasn't a numbers thing, it was about feeling rejected quickly by strangers.
2nd time - FF mentioned that I didn't get enough watchers for the amount of work I do. The reasoning behind that is that "the more I do, the more people *SHOULD* watch me". This is bad reasoning because believing that I somehow was getting an unfair deal, while everyone else got 10 times as much with 1/10 of the effort. But there is no logic or fairness about people's interests, and believing that people *SHOULD* watch me because of my own effort is a losing game every time. It's impossible to be rational about what you "should" get. Only thing you can be happy about with more certainty as an artist is being satisfied in your own work and enjoying the process.

There's a lot of things about my life style that have nothing to do with the internet. The amount of time I spend around real people face to face is almost nothing on a daily basis. People behave differently online. More people can try to talk to you at one time without being aware of each other online. In real life, people wait their turn, and have more tact, and when they leave, you can be sure that they're actually gone.

Living online is an extremely piss poor excuse in terms of human interaction. For example, you don't want to hear my voice, so we've never spoken once in the 5 years i've known you. It's frustrating and often feels as if you're always denying I'm a real person, and instead opt to believe in a fantasy of who you want me to be. A lot of furries do this with role playing. I'm tired of it because at the end of the day, there's nothing for you there except imagination. I can't live like that.  

My deal with people is, sometimes when I'm confident, I can ignore a lot of garbage that would normally lead directly to depression. However when I am prone to depression, everything dealing with people is a possible trigger. People not talking to me, ignoring me, leaving abruptly, snubbing me, blathering on about how great their life is...all sorts of the stupid crap that people don't think about just hurts. I also hate politics because that paints a person's world is being completely hopeless and in control by other people.

When I draw, I imagine things as I want them to be or the way they could be. I explore ideas, I get to know characters. Now imagine you're in a place you've never been before, you're very excited about it and happy to go looking at things you've never seen before. All of a sudden this guy shows up and starts talking about how that plant looks like another plant he's seen, or how that animal is similar to another animal. Total mood killer, right? You want to see something new and see the differences and uniqueness, but all this guy does is point out the sameness of everything. Another scenario, you're trying to make something completely new, never seen before, you're enjoying it. Then this guy comes along and points out all the similarities with something else he's seen in a book that you have no idea about. Suddenly you feel not only ignorant, but a copycat as well, unable to make anything that hasn't been done. No matter what you do, it's compared to something that already exists and not enjoyed for what it is.

My problem isn't too many people or too little, it's just..I need muster the right kind of attention for making things. I can't do that in a crowd, or if I'm worrying about people, what they talk about, or what they do. Making art shouldn't be about anything but my work in front of me, the ideas in my head.
Christaphorac
6 years, 3 months ago
    I was totally going to ask you when you returned whether it might be a better idea to just leave you to do my ongoing commission on your own time. I suspect you work better that way anyway, and I don't want to feel as though I'm rushing you along somehow. I want you to do the best work you can and not somehow get in the way of that.
   So take your time with this one. ^^

   Glad you're okay. ^^

  Also, OT - do you have an email? ^^
MichaelJBear
6 years, 3 months ago
Glad to see that your going a bit better li'l bro... You know... what
tannim
tannim
just wrote has a lot of sense... I'm not a doctor Looq... but your ''symptoms'' look a lot like that... and also I've say an episode on the mythbuster TV show about ''cabin fever''... Look a lot similar... *hug* Also I look what you've said to
DaddyDuckyBE
DaddyDuckyBE
... I know that on my side I consider internet and my PC as tools... I know it's not reality... it's merely a way for me to communicating with others... On my side the best way for me to get a grip of myself again is to take a trip in the forest and see wildlife around me and hear birds signing and the water noise of a li'l brrok... has a soothing effect on me... also I like to  my martial art praticer near a river... help me to gain back my sanity... not always easy to live in a crazy world
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