I'll answer the easier parts, first. :)
I did change that night- I had just turned 5- but more physically than anything else. Physically, My eyes went from brown to a yellow-green, lost a hymen altogether (not even a trace of ripped tissue), can no longer produce eggs (I still have ovaries, and they produce the needed hormones- just no eggs), and got one huge permanent pink tailbow that has stayed proportional to me as I grew up. As for everything else- mentally, emotionally, sexually, even personality-wise-- it's believed that what happened only enhanced what was already there. Before I turned 5, I just was that cute little mousie, bright but unremarkable. Dime-a-dozen forgettable. I think my mum described what happened afterwards as an "awakening", and more of a sense of awareness of who and what I was, and that's about it. :)
As for what I am, I was brought up to live an honest life, without causing harm or trouble to others. That means even being honest about who and what I am. I wish I didn't have these feelings, but I do, and I wish I could reconcile what I am, but that's something I don't yet know how to do.
Right now, the prevailing theory is that pedophilia has the same roots as homosexuality, bisexuality, heterosexuality and transgenderism- It's in the genes that define us, sexually.
For me, if there was a safe environment where I could be free and not ashamed of being what I am, I'd take that opportunity. But I don't know of any such environment, other than living in solitary exile-- Which is why if I could, I'd buy an island.
If the opportunity came to me (wishful thinking), and I was assured I wouldn't be in trouble, all I would want is consent. Consent is very important to me, regardless of age. But.... I don't see that happening. (Not that kids don't offer themselves- Some do. And many kids who had such experiences didn't necessarily suffer. But the ones who did, and those who made them suffer, make us all look bad, and that's what you hear about in the news.)
I don't know if I'll ever find happiness and be at peace with myself. :(
Amy. <:3 )~~8~