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AlexReynard

Stuff I've Yelled At The Screen While Playing Video Games

*MY FAVORITE BREAKFAST IS DICK.

*You Claude Monet motherfucker!!

*TWAT AIRPLANE!

*TOASTERFUCKER!!!

*Bitch, I will fuckin' throw up inside your skull!! Do you understand me!?

*Bitch, I will fuck you in the ass till you look like Celine Dion!!

*Your mamma looks like a fuckin' horse-pig-reject!

*Nigga, I will break yo' dick with a typewriter!!

*You smegma-faced cat boat!!!

*You bag of moose piss!

*I swear to God I will fuck your arms in half!!

*You gayass polar-bear-humpin' necrophiliac!

*Firetruck-shaped concubine!!

*Holy fuckin' massive piles of dingo shit!

*Fuck you with a sarcophagus.
Viewed: 164 times
Added: 6 years, 3 months ago
 
DraculJOSHI
6 years, 3 months ago
you are weeeeeeeiiiiiiird...

I like you ^^
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
Why thank you. :)
chaosblackwing
6 years, 3 months ago
You either play some very strange games, or consider cursing creatively to be a challenge...
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
The latter. I actually yelled all of these while playing Peggle. I just sort of let sounds tumble out of my mouth when I'm playing. A lot of them are boring swear words, but the more I disconnect from what I'm saying, the more beautiful little nuggets of insanity like these pop out. :)
Relee
6 years, 3 months ago
I like your creative swears. I think you fall back on Sixty Niggers too often; but I guess everybody needs a catch phrase.
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
I actually got that from one of the chan boards. From context, I gathered that it was a phrase meant to be used for only the direst of situations. Like Michael Bay making another movie.
MisterI
6 years, 3 months ago
Hey, now, there's no need to use the M* B*-word. ;)
chaosblackwing
6 years, 3 months ago
So pretty much stream of consciousness swearing, interesting.
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
No, this goes a step beyond. This is when I am completely not paying attention to my stream of consciousnesses swearing, and I stuff starts falling out of my mouth completely regardless of meaning. It's fun!
chaosblackwing
6 years, 3 months ago
Ever been particularly surprised by what came out?
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
Always.
beefalo
6 years, 3 months ago
LMAO
meshelldeschanel
6 years, 3 months ago
<3 <3 <3 <3
Sarakha
6 years, 3 months ago
(Paraphrased, in a sense, because I tend toward "correcting" spelling. Sorry if this offends.)
Things that popped into my head as I read these:

>>> "My favorite breakfast is dick."
Oh really.

>>> "You Claude Monet motherfucker!"
Does this mean the game fucks Claude's mother?

>>> "Twat airplane!"
I really have little idea as to what to make of this one.

>>> "Toasterfucker!"
This sounds a lot worse than "motherfucker" to me. And more painful. I like it.

>>> "Bitch, I will throw up inside your fuckin' skull, do you understand me?!"
No, not really. And I don't think I would understand any better with fox vomit surrounding my cerebral cortex, thank you all the same.

>>> "Bitch, I will fuck you in the ass until you look like Celine Dion!"
That's going to make putting my make-up on a lot more difficult. Are you sure you can fuck me in the ass for that long?

>>> "Your momma looks like a fuckin' horse-pig-reject!"
That's because she looks nothing like a horse, pig, or horse-pig, so I'll take that as a compliment.

>>> "Nigga, I will break your dick with a typewriter!"
...The number of ways you could do that is astounding and agonizing to think about. But I'd aim more for the balls; they tend to be more sensitive and easier to hit.

>>> "You smegma-faced cat boat!"
So you're saying I am a boat for smegma-faced cats? Or are the cats facing smegma?

>>> "You bag of moose piss!"
See, this one is straightforward. You can do better; I'll cheer you on!

>>> "I swear to God I will fuck your arms in half!"
Do you mean to bisect them from the hands to the shoulders, or are you just going to penis-drill through my elbow joints? Also, will this be one at a time, or simultaneously? If it's simultaneously, I want it on camera and half the money that'll come from selling this video will go toward my bionic replacements.

>>> "You gay-ass polar-bear-humpin' necrophiliac!"
Okay... so does that mean I will only hump dead male polar bears?

>>> "Firetruck-shaped concubine!"
That just makes me think of a Transformers whore...

>>> "Holy fuckin' massive piles of dingo shit!"
Does that contain baby parts?

>>> "Fuck you with a sarcophagus."
Perhaps Mumm-Ra's.
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
>Oh really.

Piping hot Sicilian dick.

>Does this mean the game fucks Claude's mother?

No, it is a motherfucker similar in actions and appearance to Claude Monet.

>I really have little idea as to what to make of this one.

It's an airplane made of twats. Weren't you paying attention?

>This sounds a lot worse than "motherfucker" to me. And more painful. I like it.

It was likely inspired by an Adam Sandler skit I heard about a man who wants to fuck a toaster.

>No, not really. And I don't think I would understand any better with fox vomit surrounding my cerebral cortex, thank you all the same.

Actually, you would. Fox vomit has holistic healing properties.

>That's going to make putting my make-up on a lot more difficult. Are you sure you can fuck me in the ass for that long?

That's like asking if the sky is blue.

>...The number of ways you could do that is astounding and agonizing to think about. But I'd aim more for the balls; they tend to be more sensitive and easier to hit.

If you hit the balls with a typewriter, inevitably you are going to hit some dick too.

>So you're saying I am a boat for smegma-faced cats? Or are the cats facing smegma?

I have no clue on this one.

>See, this one is straightforward. You can do better; I'll cheer you on!

'Welcome to Mooseport! Here's your moose piss!'

>Do you mean to bisect them from the hands to the shoulders, or are you just going to penis-drill through my elbow joints? Also, will this be one at a time, or simultaneously? If it's simultaneously, I want it on camera and half the money that'll come from selling this video will go toward my bionic replacements.

The power of my jizz will shoot up your arm veins and cause them to explode like a wiener in a microwave.

>Okay... so does that mean I will only hump dead male polar bears?

Naw, you can fuck whatever kind of dead polar bears you like! :)

>That just makes me think of a Transformers whore...

Good point. Now I want one.

>Does that contain baby parts?

Many.

>Perhaps Mumm-Ra's.

Well, one good thing about having a mummy up your butt; all that TP wrapped around him will leave your hole sparkling clean.
ChubbyButterballs
6 years, 3 months ago
Holy hell, was having a terrible morning...but this...THIS made me laugh!  Thank you.
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
Awesome! It feels good to know my silly kaka made someone's day better. :)
Felixpath
6 years, 3 months ago
My classic one is...

"Son of bitch, I have so much urine for you to drink!" (spoken in thick Russian accent)
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
LMFAO!! I seriously laughed so hard at that I had to cram my hands over my mouth to not disturb my neighbors. :)
Bachri
6 years, 3 months ago
*MY FAVORITE BREAKFAST IS DICK.

>>My favorite breakfast is pussy. With a side of bacon.

*You Claude Monet motherfucker!!

>>Who? Why yes, I am ignorant.

*TWAT AIRPLANE!

>> Where's the terrorists when you need them?

*TOASTERFUCKER!!!

>>I'll add dick toast to my favorite breakfast meal :P

*Bitch, I will fuckin' throw up inside your skull!! Do you understand me!?

>>What was that? My ears are too full of vomit to hear.

*Bitch, I will fuck you in the ass till you look like Celine Dion!!

>>And my heart will go oooooooon and ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!

*Your mamma looks like a fuckin' horse-pig-reject!

>>But she is a PERFECT man-bear-pig!

*Nigga, I will break yo' dick with a typewriter!!

>>Don't make me call the NAACP and accuse you of typewriter abuse :x

*You smegma-faced cat boat!!!

>>Cats hate water, they claw at my smegma-face when near it.

*You bag of moose piss!

>>Better than a jug of deer shit.

*I swear to God I will fuck your arms in half!!

>>I always wanted four arms!!

*You gayass polar-bear-humpin' necrophiliac!

>>I prefer Grizzly's.

*Firetruck-shaped concubine!!

>>Ambulance silhouette!!

*Holy fuckin' massive piles of dingo shit!

>>I'm hungry. Wheres my breakfast?

*Fuck you with a sarcophagus.

>>Oh come on, you could at least get a little grand with this. Bring me King Tut!!
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
>My favorite breakfast is pussy. With a side of bacon.

Sounds like an episode of Epic Meal Time.

>Who? Why yes, I am ignorant.

Him's a famous painter. Made pretty pictures of water lilies.

>I'll add dick toast to my favorite breakfast meal :P

Don't get... a-dick-ted to it! <rimshot>

>And my heart will go oooooooon and ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooon!

This.

>But she is a PERFECT man-bear-pig!

I was waiting for someone to say that! :D

>Cats hate water, they claw at my smegma-face when near it.

That's almost poetic.

>Better than a jug of deer shit.

For some reason that mental image made me laugh really hard.

>Ambulance silhouette!!

Sounds like a garage band.

>I'm hungry. Wheres my breakfast?

Under the massive piles of dingo shit.

>Oh come on, you could at least get a little grand with this. Bring me King Tut!!

King Tut's sarcophagus is under loan to the Copenhagen Museum of World History and is unavailable at this time to be shoved up your rectal parts.
SenGrisane
6 years, 3 months ago
When I really get angry I shout Shit! Damn! Asshole!... after that I have run out of swearwords and helplessly stutter around not finding proper words to express my anger :3
I don't swear often ^^
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
>When I really get angry I shout Shit! Damn! Asshole!... after that I have run out of swearwords and helplessly stutter around not finding proper words to express my anger :3

That's kinda how this happened. I let swear words just fall out of my mouth while playing and eventually they lose all connection to reality. That's when the crazy stuff starts coming out.
ElMatto
6 years, 3 months ago
I called Burnout a 'Horse-raping radish' once, lol.
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
That got a loud, solid guffaw out of me! :)
ElMatto
6 years, 3 months ago
Lol. It was in Iraq no less. I say a lot of weird stuff in games.
Kanada
6 years, 3 months ago
I imagine now that twat airplanes are like paper airplanes. just take a twat, fold it, and throw into the air ^^
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
That sounds about right!

Also, for reals, as I'm sitting here replying to this I can hear a woman walking somewhere outside my window, sobbing very, very loudly in a bizarrely theatrical manner. All I could think was, 'Flashlights off! Don't startle the witch!!'
Kanada
6 years, 3 months ago
haha! now we just need a hipster with a long tongue, a fat dude, a guy who loves piggy back rides, and a escaped circus strong man and we'll have the whole set!
JessCarrotCake
6 years, 3 months ago
i make weird monkey sounds when i play super monkey ball junior
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
Record them. Call up your old high school teachers late at night and play them into the receiver. ^__^
ScottyKat
6 years, 3 months ago
you must be fun as hell to play with man. I'd be laughing my brains out.
*imagines Scotty and Alex hanging out, gaming , and performing acts
 that would make most people consider getting us neutered*
ITS THAT KINKY * badumtsh
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
Neutered for the good of mankind! Banish the demon penises!!
ScottyKat
6 years, 3 months ago
Rofl. It is too late. the demon penises have begun to reproduce.. their winged infants flying around sodomising all they find!
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
In other words: what Hunter S. Thompson saw whenever he closed his eyes.
ScottyKat
6 years, 3 months ago
bwahaha
OsirisPM
6 years, 3 months ago
The WHOLE sarcophagus? The inner box? Or the outer? o.o
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
Both. Twice.
KintoMythostian
6 years, 3 months ago
> *You Claude Monet motherfucker!!
An insult like that certainly leaves an impression.

My favorite not-really-a-curseword-but-I-shout-it-anyway-when-I'm-pissed is "karst." It has similar phonemes as "Christ" with an "ar" thrown in for good measure. If I'm not in a hurry, I'll say "karst topography."

I also mutter things like "carp" and "Barnstable Cottering Merrimack" (that's the full name of a character in a story I'm writing that I'm not likely to finish anytime soon).
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
>An insult like that certainly leaves an impression.

Took me a second to get that. XD

>My favorite not-really-a-curseword-but-I-shout-it-anyway-when-I'm-pissed is "karst." It has similar phonemes as "Christ" with an "ar" thrown in for good measure. If I'm not in a hurry, I'll say "karst topography."

Oo, that is good! Any expletive should feel good coming out of your mouth. I'm rather fond of shouting FIM BIN JAM!

>I also mutter things like "carp" and "Barnstable Cottering Merrimack" (that's the full name of a character in a story I'm writing that I'm not likely to finish anytime soon).

That last one might be a tad inefficient for swearing.
JunkBox
6 years, 3 months ago
You came up with weird oaths while playing videogames.
So what. That's normal.

If you can play I Wanna Be The Guy for any length of time, you're liable to come up with a ton more of these!
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
>So what. That's normal.

Really!?

>If you can play I Wanna Be The Guy for any length of time, you're liable to come up with a ton more of these!

I've heard of that, and wanting to keep my sanity (and not punch a hole in my monitor) dictates I stay away.
FedoraFox
6 years, 3 months ago
My favorite word to yell or mutter under my breath during particularly difficult video game sessions is "Scheiße!". Although, just yesterday when I was playing Chrono Cross, I yelled "BURGER KING KID'S CLUB!" after a particularly brutal attack by a boss that took out my French-speaking harlequin and I had ran out of revive spells prior to that. Even I pondered for a brief second on where the hell that strange curse came from.
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
WAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Burger King Kids Club!? Oh, wow. I think that might be the winner. :)
Alfador
6 years, 3 months ago
How appropriate, you fight like a cow.
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
How appropriate; you die like an ostrich!!
Alfador
6 years, 3 months ago
Also I'm usually terribly uncreative, usually falling back on, in descending order of length: "Son of a biiiiiiiitch!!", "Son of a bitch...", "Sunuva...", or "AGH!!"

Remember kids, a son of a bitch is a puppy! :D
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
>Also I'm usually terribly uncreative, usually falling back on, in descending order of length: "Son of a biiiiiiiitch!!", "Son of a bitch...", "Sunuva...", or "AGH!!"

I've been known to make some interesting grunts and noises myself.

>Remember kids, a son of a bitch is a puppy! :D

That's brilliant. That's goin' in the quotes file for sure. :)
Humbug
6 years, 3 months ago
I peed a little in glee.
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
...you pleed?
Humbug
6 years, 3 months ago
Guilty as charged.
Rakaziel
6 years, 3 months ago
xD These are hilarious!
I especially like the Toasterfucker and "Bitch, I will fuck you in the ass till you look like Celine Dion!!"

Mine tend to be not as imaginative, more like...

"Burn! Burn! I'm gonna set you on fire. I'm gonna set you alight and impale you on a lamp post!"

"My Little Nukie,
I used to wonder what nukes would be
until you shared it's magic with me...
Now nuking Snooki,
I used to wonder what burned dwarfs would be..." (I do not even watch Jersey Shore but it rymes well)

"Bewaffnet die Bevölkerung" (Arm the People!) (a bit of a war cry when using an infantry army)

"And now the Dwarven Alcoholics, unbeaten since five minutes ago"

Yes, I am more of a trash talk commenter.
AlexReynard
6 years, 3 months ago
I liked the unexpected swing into crazytown when I got to 'lamp post'. :)
Gedrean
6 years, 3 months ago
With a Sarcophagus.
Joppe
6 years, 2 months ago
Hehehe quite creative swearing, but I hope it's just things that you say to yourself in single player when you get frustrated. (so do I) There is no excuse to say this kind of stuff online, people may be offended or even frightened.

  Personally, I loathe people who get angry at online games. It's just a game chill have fun and do not destroy my gaming experience by screaming in my ear.
AlexReynard
6 years, 2 months ago
>Hehehe quite creative swearing, but I hope it's just things that you say to yourself in single player when you get frustrated. (so do I) There is no excuse to say this kind of stuff online, people may be offended or even frightened.

Oh yes. This is just me sitting by myself playing Peggle.

>Personally, I loathe people who get angry at online games. It's just a game chill have fun and do not destroy my gaming experience by screaming in my ear.

I'm not even angry when stuff like this comes out. I'm just playing angry, and usually giggling insensibly the whole time.
Joppe
6 years, 2 months ago
Oh but what about the innocent little balls, they might be sad when you yell at them. XD (haha ok seriously I like your swearing, it's fun to see what random crap comes out your mouth.)
LeafyGreens
6 years, 2 months ago
the first thing i thought of when i saw the fourth item on the list: https://www.furaffinity.net/view/775374/
AlexReynard
6 years, 2 months ago
That sure is some toasterfucking.
LeafyGreens
6 years, 1 month ago
is it odd that i find that picture somewhat arousing?
AlexReynard
6 years, 1 month ago
Not at all!
LeafyGreens
6 years, 1 month ago
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