Last month, I visited my relatives for a funeral of a relative I barely knew. My mom's relatives have a tendency to overwhelm me, so I usually try to limit my time with them.
It's gotten so bad that when I was at a restaurant with them, I locked myself away in an unresponsive state by covering my face with my hands, putting me in a literal dark place. My mom had to shake me to get out of this "trance." But I was still shaken up afterwards.
This isn't the first time this has happened to me. Ironically, the last time also involved another funeral of a relative I barely knew.
My aunt invited my mother, me, and a little few relatives to her timeshare. However, a lot more relatives invited themselves to sleep over in the limited space. I was so overwhelmed that I locked myself in a closet, hoping to shield myself in some way.
I decided to return to college, only to find that the class went on for four hours and ended at 10 PM. By the time I departed from the BART station, the buses I needed to ride in order to get home were no longer running. So, I walked the rest of the way home and made it back around 10:30 PM. And yes, I dropped the class...
After that night, I've been losing a lot of sleep. And there came so many distractions that prevented me from sleeping or staying asleep. GOD! I want to kill myself if it'll give some fucking peace!
I'm not sure if my mom thought I was really ready to commit suicide. But she informed my dad of the situation after I explained everything to her. And I'm currently staying at my dad's home until my mental health has recovered...
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4 years, 1 month ago
04 Feb 2020 07:32 CET
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