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Sometimes I just feel like giving up

by Shigoto

I feel that sometimes. Like I should just stop tying. It never feels like it turns out well in the end. The longer I manage to hold it together the worse I end up feeling when shit falls apart on me..

I don't really want to get into details, it's not worth it, not important to anyone but myself. But sometimes it feels like everyone would just be happier if I just went away. Maybe they would, wouldn't be the first time people I thought I had a connection with told me to go. Or the second, or the third. So I keep asking myself, why do I keep trying?

Viewed:	92 times
Added:	4 years, 6 months ago 15 Oct 2019 20:46 CEST

15 Comments on this Journal

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Coonkun

4 years, 6 months ago

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I don't know you well bud, but I'd like to! Your art is really nice and you seem like a chill dude. People think about you more than you might imagine.

You're important here :)

Shigoto

4 years, 6 months ago

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@ Coonkun

Thank you, I appreaciate it.

I tend to keep most people at arms length. It seems like the best thing to do if I don't want them to start hating me. It seems like when I get to comfortable with people I get the worse a person I seem to become. Is the only way I can rationalize stuff like this. I try not to act in the way that seems to push people away but I can't seem to help it. Sometimes because I don't even know what it is im doing wrong. It makes me scared of even approaching new people anymore. Even when I know we share mutual interests. I figure il just make them hate me too at some point. Almost all of my old friends are gone now, some of the ones I still manage to be in contact with have changed drastically. In some cases it feels like they're a bizarro world version. Or maybe it's me. Maybe im the displaced one.

cheetahjab

4 years, 6 months ago

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@ Shigoto

Can't make me hate you , even with all the chainsaws in the world.. Tis why your always invited to the shows I attend!

FoulCritter

4 years, 6 months ago

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Ya, I don’t know you on a personal level but I really enjoy your art. You bring a lot more joy to people through your art than I think you realize. I hope you feel better, but if you ever need someone to talk to I’m always here :) just like I know a lot of other people here would be

Taticub

4 years, 6 months ago

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Im not very good with these kinds of things but you have plenty of those who love and care for you. I think everyone questions their purpose. maybe you need time to reflect and find your purpose. I'd say find someone you can talk to and vent your concerns to. a listening ear is nice to have when you need help

Shigoto

4 years, 6 months ago

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@ Taticub

I think that's the problem. It's when I get close to people and get comfortable enough to drop my guard and open up is when things inevitably turn sour... feels like never taking that first step is the only way I can avoid pushing people away

asthexiancal

4 years, 6 months ago

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Edited 4 years, 6 months ago by Owner

My, my, seems you have some situations to resolve in RL.......
Whatever happens there, here on IB you are somebody important to us, an artist of great value we all want to see works from. So don't question yourself this way - on the contrary, the success you've got her may help you grow confidence in yourself and face your demons. Accept our devotion. Feed on it. You deserve it.

nekkofox

4 years, 6 months ago

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I had that. It took me quitting my job and re-evaluating my life before I found out why everything was dragging me down like a lead weight. Everyone's situation is different, but for me I had to remove certain elements from my life that were making me incredibly depressed. It was hard. Things -are- improving though, so the many little changes I made added up. Like force multipliers in warfare.

DansLittleFurs

4 years, 6 months ago

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Ditto.

Bianca

4 years, 6 months ago

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most people won't notice or care that you've left, some may even welcome it.

thats when you gotta try and realise that you have to live for yourself. that the only reason you should keep going is for yourself. you've let outside influence steer your inner narrative.

Shigoto

4 years, 6 months ago

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@ Bianca

Im no stranger to this sort of thing. I know what thats like, what can motivate choices like this. The thing that irks me is the silence. The lack of a reason. Because theres no communication im reluctant to assume the worse about the situation or the people involved. But the longer that silence persists the more i feel i have to admit that maybe the "worse" outcome is the correct one. If ive wronged someone to take it to this point i want to know what ive done. At least then i might learn from it. It wont repair the damage ive done but it might keep me from doing it again in the future.

ScottySkunk

4 years, 6 months ago

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*hugs*

cheetahjab

4 years, 6 months ago

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I very much enjoy your work, and your friendship, even though we talk very little. It was a pleasure getting to hang out with you at 2 conventions, and I very much look forward to doing it again.

AngelPureLust

4 years, 6 months ago

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Sometimes therapy helps. They can help put together scrambled toughs and make it easier to deal with. I dont trust in medication but I do recommend therapy.

Sabah

4 years, 2 months ago

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Just came across your art, you do a good job and I hope things have improved since this journal.

There are a lot of ups and downs in life, but pushing on leads to good things and good people, take some pride knowing you've made it this far and that regardless of how you feel now, you should always push forward because you never know the good things that can come of it.

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