I'm really starting to get tired of thinking about things too much. Seems to happen a lot. God forbid I get a moments peace. It's such a confusing thing to just want to relax for a couple of seconds but can't because you're being chased around by your own thoughts like some kind of annoying needy child that won't go away. Tugging on your pant leg. Asking for something, doing something outlandish. Distracting you from what you really want to do, which is to just sit and stare at nothing in particular, or maybe, just maybe, close your eyes for a second a take a nap. Can't close your eyes though. Because the second you do that all the folks that live in your head start popping into the mind's stage. All of their stories, all of their emotions, wants, needs, desires and dislikes, problems, et cetera. Every single fucking aspect of their lives is suddenly your responsibility to convey. To make sure that these imaginary people get their stories told. But of course you need to take time to sit down and convey there stories onto some kind of medium, whether it be digital or analog. Yes, it is a bit of chore, but a fascinating one. Because I mean, if you don't tell their story, who will? Nobody. Because they're your own special little folks that live in your head. Seems unfair to have their lives, stories and histories hinge on whether or not I feel like writing it all down. Doesn't even really matter if anybody reads it anyways. It's just the satisfaction of knowing I was able to snatch a few out of the millions of speeding thoughts in the maelstrom in my head and form them into something recognizable. Feels good to help them out. I frequently wonder if my existence is the same thing, but on the reversed plane. Do the things I understand to be truth actually exist? Or am I just a character living in someone's head? Or the one that really gets to me sometimes, could it be that I'm just a character living in my own head? Some times I wonder.
Actually, I'm always wondering, it never stops.
6 years, 6 months ago
23 Apr 2012 07:08 CEST