I had a patreon once before, but had to close it as I was moving countries and jobs at the time. I’ve always considered re-opening, but I wanted to improve before I did it. I believe I’m nit at the skill level I want to be at to open my patreon again.
I know a lot of people hate the idea of patreon for artists, the delay in public uploads and the exclusivity it requires. Because I know this upsets people, I’ve been slow at making this decision. But if I’m honest with myself, I have no other choice.
Because people dislike artists monetising our work so much, I feel the need to explain my current situation - and I’m trying to avoid sounding like a sob story.
A couple close friends in my life had to actually intervene in order for me to make this decision. Part of my mental health conditions makes me very self sacrificial and unwilling to upset people by putting myself first.
I want to thank everyone in the past who has supported me and commissioned me, it’s meant so much to me and I’m so thankful. I will still be posting my art on InkBunny and taking commissions, so I’d Like to explain how it will be different with a few examples of older work.
Which, as it is old, I will not be treating as patreon art work, but it will have a watermark due to advertisement and art theft.
(I’ve never water marked my work before, as I thought I was too far under the radar to have my art stolen, however I’ve met people irl now who have seen my art reposted but never heard of me as the artist, that’s a massive reality check.).
THIS PUBLIC POST WILL DETAIL THE DIFFERENCES IN UPLOADS WITH EXAMPLES
[tw: some troubling subjects including sexual abuse, skip this if you’re not interested in my personal reasons]
I have been having a lot of money issues this year, commissions have helped but it’s not a solid solution for me. I had been working part time in the only job in my area I could find. I could not keep this work as a condition I thought was minor was made worse through the manual labour.
My mental health was also awful (if you followed my Twitter, you might have heard a little about what had been happening), and my employers had no sympathy for mental and physical health despite my doctor’s explanations to them. There was sexism and favouritism at play, my managers openly hated me and even stated so when I was forced to quit because of my health...
For my mental health & personal issues, I will be bullet pointing what has happened, as going into details and speaking personally about it is ok hard for me.
[trigger warning: sex crimes]
I was living in a toxic flat for university: one of my flat mates was a drug addict who abused and raped an other flatmate of mine (a friend).
Someone I trusted and though was a friend gaslit me for months and on more than one occasion sexually assaulted me.
I finally go to visit my grandmother’s grave, only to find out she was buried in an unmarked grave.
My ex-girlfriend had been gaslighting me also for a longer period, specifically about her cheating on me with two friends including he friend mentioned before.
She had sex with that ex-friend on the bed next to me after I had a break down due to the gaslighting and other things, when I was sleeping on the floor next to them. This has made sleeping at all very hard for me now.
The ways my ex treated me have caused me to recover some repressed memories that specifically involve grooming, rape and pedophillia from my early teens.
Due to NHS cuts and brexit, I am currently not allowed therapy unless I am able to self-fund it. With everything that’s happened this year, this is something I need.
I will be going into physiotherapy in October, I don’t know what is wrong with me exactly, but I have a suspicion it may be Fibromyalgia. Which is a chronic pain condition, that can (and has) gotten worse because of mental health and trauma. As a result I am currently unable to supliment my studies with part time work due to a job shortage, and this condition. It has gotten to the point I’ve needed to use a walking stick.
With pre-existing money issues and being unable to find work, I’ve been doing what I can to try and avoid upsetting my followers by doing this, however this is where the intervention of my close friends came in. For a while it seemed like the only option I had for getting money would be to go into s3x work, essentially pr0stitution, but due to my physical health I would be unable to defend myself in that situation. Right now, monetising my art work is my next to last resort, so I really need to do this.