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Upcoming Story - "Ripped From Paradise" (Extreme Content Warning!)

Hi all, it's Abigail here to inform you that my first attempt at writing is in the works! I'm not sure how long it will be, but it will be published chapter by chapter as I complete it (if I'm satisfied with how the first chapter turns out, that is).

WARNING: THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN EXTREME CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR PRETTY MUCH ANYONE!

Sexual themes will include, but may not be limited to: cub, rape/noncon, sexual slavery, gore, hard vore, psychological and physical torture, mind break, mental illness, and bestiality.

If you're not into that, probably hit the back button now!

The story takes place in a world where my 'sona is killed in a tragic accident, and her desperate father summons a demon to sell his soul and bring her back. But when he fails to read the fine print, he ends up signing away Abigail too! Many horrible things ensue, obviously. If you end up liking it and/or know people you think might like it also, please feel free to spread the word!

Here's a sneak peek at my work on the first draft of chapter one. Nothing sexual yet, it's just the intro, but feel free to let me know what you think.

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Chapter 1

When Alfred lost his eight year old daughter Abigail, it broke something inside him. Ever since the death of his wife, Abigail had been his whole world. Unfortunately, with his full time job, he couldn't always be there for her. It was on one such occasion the previous month that she had been hit by a car while riding her bike home from school.

Despite the reassurances of his friends and family, Alfred blamed himself for the accident. He should have known that the busy highway Abigail had to cross each day was dangerous, even at the crosswalks. He should have made her take the bus instead, even though she loved to ride her bike so much. It was his fault, he was sure of it.

And he was going to fix it.

The once professional-looking mouse now appeared weary and disheveled. He had barely left his study the past six weeks. His face and body was a gaunt shadow of his formerly chubby figure, and the right side of his buck teeth had grown shorter than the left from gnawing on pencils all through the nights. The desperate father had noticed none of this, however, having been completely absorbed in his work.

Alfred had to work slowly as he traced the intricate runes and sigils into the floor, double and triple checking his notes as he went. Weeks of research and planning had led up to this moment and he knew he couldn't afford to make any mistakes. It had been incredibly difficult to find a demon who was reportedly both easy to summon and powerful enough to bring someone back from the dead. He had eventually settled on the one named Dietrich.

Not much information existed about Dietrich. He wasn't sure if he even existed. From what he could ascertain from his research, this particular demon was easy to summon because he was incredibly greedy and would jump at any opportunity to cut a deal. Alfred had even lurked on several occult forums over the past several weeks and found posts from two people who had attempted to summon Dietrich. Both had gone inactive after posting that they were going through with the ritual.

It didn't matter, though. No, Alfred thought, this was the only thing left for him. It would be worth it even if it ended horribly, at least then he would know he truly did everything he could. He continued to reassure himself of this throughout his preparations, until at last he reached the final part of the process. His hands shook as he lit the candles around the completed circle and began to recite the words he had rehearsed a thousand times.

The candles flickered and dimmed as spoke until he was almost sure they would go out. Heart pounding, he pressed on with renewed vigor, practically shouting the words as the room began to shake audibly. Upon speaking the final word, he made a small cut in his hand and dripped a meager trickle of blood onto the appropriate spot in the circle--the only offering needed to summon the demon Dietrich.

Then, nothing. The shaking had stopped, and the room was completely still. Alfred's heart sank in his chest as he looked around despairingly. All that time, all that work, all those sleepless nights and he had nothing to show for it. He slumped down on a stack of books, head in his hands, weeping softly. That was when he noticed that something was off. Raising his head, he saw that the candles were still burning quite dimly when their long wicks should have allowed for full-sized flames.

When he noticed the massive figure standing in the circle, he literally jumped from his perch in surprise, falling awkwardly backwards onto the floor with a startled squeak. Scrambling upright, he watched in awed silence as the candles returned to normal and the figure became visible.


It was tall, towering seven feet high judging by how close its head came to touching the ceiling. Its digitigrade footpaws alone were larger than some fully grown mice, each sporting an array of long, razor-sharp claws. As Alfred's eyes traveled slowly up its form, he realized it was a wolf, or at least something approximating a wolf. It was also completely nude and Alfred couldn't help but stare at the massive, heavy-looking balls between its legs, each one bigger than a basket ball. His form was muscular, with a broad chest and strong arms that looked like they could crush Alfred with little more than a thought. Silvery-white fur covered it from head to toe and a set of two large horns could be seen sprouting from its forhead, curving backwards over the skull before finally turning upwards into deadly points, between which hovered a small golden flame.

The figure stared right back at Alfred. Its black lips curled ever so slowly into a wide, toothy grin. Alfred gulped audibly at the sight of the impressive array of ivories that filled its mouth like so many wicked knives. He shuddered to think what poor creatures had met their end in their grip. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, the figure spoke.

"I am Dietrich." he announced in a booming voice. "I'll cut right to the chase. You wouldn't have summoned me if unless you're either incredibly stupid, or you want to make a deal. So, which is it?"

Alfred stammered his response in a voice that sounded very much higher than his usual warm baritone. "I-I want to m-m-make a deal!" He tried in vain to stop his body from shaking like a leaf, unable to take his eyes off the demon's grinning maw. He had thought that grin couldn't possibly get any wider, but it did.
Viewed: 48 times
Added: 4 years, 10 months ago
 
SimonTesla
4 years, 10 months ago
Ooh, ominous. Will be interesting to see where things go from here. n.n;
GFHCDK76
4 years, 4 months ago
" WARNING: THIS STORY WILL CONTAIN EXTREME CONTENT NOT SUITABLE FOR PRETTY MUCH ANYONE!

Sexual themes will include, but may not be limited to: cub, rape/noncon, sexual slavery, gore, hard vore, psychological and physical torture, mind break, mental illness, and bestiality.

Oh' this story is intended for people like me then. Yeah, I have read quite a few with such a description. I'm into them.

This story Scootaloo's Master is about the darkest of Grim-Dark storied I have laid my eyes on, and very much the longest.
https://www.fimfiction.net/story/103541/scootaloos-master

Okay, this is interesting so far, story wise. As some more picky readers would likely point out, you have told of what happened to Alfred's daughter Abigail. But did not show it. As in, start the story from before she was hit by the car, and play that moment out for the reader to see, rather than just say it happened as an afterthought to the actual start given.

Cleanly worded, and not boring. You have a good set in your vocabulary list, without using anything too complicated to understand. A big plus if not wishing to confuse readers with big words whom has not a collage grade reading level. Some writers, though very smart, miss that not all readers know or understand big words.

You have some good separation, and didn't create a wall of text, as some first time noob witters have made. You are not fully new to this. You have been educated on how to write stories. It shows.

My fist story I have posted on another site was not near as clean, and had some large walls of text. I don't do that anymore. And it's not good to see, for it's not fun to read.

You also give some nice details to the moments in the story. You know how to draw in a reader like me into what you are trying to convey as to what is going on. Some say, "It's all in the details." And from what I can see, you have plenty of them for one like me.

To me, it's a nice start so far.

I don't feel it be necessary for the story, but, would like to have seen Abigail's accident from her point of view as it happened. That would have been interesting to see also.

Perhaps, some time later, you can have her recall the events to someone in the story, so the reader can see and know of how it was like for her too, when she got hit, and had to get herself home wile badly hurt. Just a thought. ^.^
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