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WankersCramp

Birthday, Depression And All That Comes With It

So my birthday is on the 29th, I will be 29 years old and it fucking sucks!

Things have been very very bad, illness and depression are a deadly combo, that combined with me having to put my cat own, a friend I had for 19 years is really hitting me hard.

I have no energy or motivation to work and in my 29 years of life I have not achieved anything really.

I have many disabilities. Fibromyalgia, Asperger's Syndrome, Tourettes Syndrome, Learning Difficulties and etc etc. The worst of these is the Learning Difficulties. I have been drawing since I was 13 and still very mediocre at it. It angers me when someone who has been drawing less than a year surpasses me in skill. I cannot learn new things without guidance. Which sucks because I want to learn game design, web-design and programming but without someone to guide me I will loose all concentration, get stuck and confused at the first hurdle and give up.

The same with my health, I am an agoraphobic, overweight, anti-social (not a dickhead just can't really interact with new people), pale mess who is always tired. Once again fatigue and motivation destroy me.

At this rate I'll be lucky to make it to 40. I have no real prospects of ever getting a job because I went to a special needs school which was about teaching life skills and etc, not getting qualifications as such I have none.

I have no motivation to draw or any ideas. I am still working on Predators of Mobius but until I get out of this rut, don't expect much.

Things went wrong when I was 14, one day I shut myself in my room and never came out. My brothers all got friends of their own and I was just sorta left behind. Ever since then the frustration of not being able to learn and declining health have destroyed my motivations. I honestly think of giving up every day.

But, I'm still here, crawling along and I thank those who have stood by me. This may be as good as it gets. So only expect a trickle of stuff from me.
Viewed: 22 times
Added: 1 month, 1 week ago
 
Sloss
1 month, 1 week ago
As for learning programming, have you tried courses such as Pluralsight.com?
I find this site to be better than others I've tried to learn new stuff, such as Angular. It helps a lot to do the examples for each section, rather than just passively watch though (if the course has them).

Sorry to hear about your depression, I'm not doing so great myself for what that's worth.
WolfTank68
1 month, 1 week ago
I’m not going to sit here and say I know what you’re going through, and I know what you’re dealing with, because that would make me a liar. It’s bullshit.

I hate when people say that, because no one knows how hard you’re fighting each and every day, but you. I hate it when they act like they know.

But what I hate more, is something took over your body, uninvited, unannounced, like a thief in the night, and has you on the sideline, when all you want to do is get into the game and fuck shit up like you always have.

So my friend, keep fighting the good fight, because you WILL overcome this.

When you do, all you wish to achieve in life will welcome you with open arms, to tell you “You’ve earned it.”

When you get to that point, it will be so satisfying, knowing how hard you fought for it. Because when you get to that point, you will realize that you have done the impossible. You went the distance.


I know this might not help with anything, but I wanted to tell you this because I want to at least try.

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