I've made a lot of journals over the past couple years that are filled with angst, but this one won't be. Well, a little bit of angst XP. For the past year and a half I've been trying to make my art a proper self-employed business. Trying. In truth, all it has done is made me more miserable, which is fucking saying something. Drawing commissions is no different in how it feels to me than back when I worked minimum wage in restaurants. Washing dishes, cleaning tables, making meals etc. In other words, I hate it. It's also made me not want to draw at all, since every piece I draw for me feels like a betrayal of responsibility to the people waiting for me to draw their commissions.
I've tried numerous ways of motivating myself. Taking payment only upon completion was an attempt to let some pressure escape; that didn't work. Streaming was a way of using pressure as motivation, having people watch me live so I feel more obliged to work. That just makes me stressed like a motherfucker, since I have anxiety disorder, haha.
To cut a long story short, I'm retiring from commissions. I'm not going to do them anymore. My current queue will be finished, so those of you already waiting on art, you will get it. After that, though, no more, I'm done. I want to create things I care about and have others enjoy them, nothing more. I'm done sacrificing my soul for money, it's too much for me.
Hopefully, this'll mean more art from me in the future, once my obligations have been settled. You may have noticed my lack of content, how little of it gets produced lately, well now you know why. Peace XP.
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5 years ago
29 Mar 2019 04:25 CET
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