I keep upsetting my mate, I am a terrible mate and don't deserve him or anyone. I get jealous way too easily and it ends up causing drama and making me lose friends.
I dislike that many of the people I used to RP with online would stop talking to me and only talk to Mixy after they RP with him. This particular thing has happened A LOT, and it pisses me off - which hardens my heart and makes me attempt to break up with him.
Maybe I should just go poof now.. No longer be a part of this community... No longer be a part of this world...
I have not contributed to this society, and my miniscule contributions to the furry fandom (The TNSC Community) - while still growing - had been lacking active members for 2 years.
I seriously feel like a failure, because this time... My jealousy got the best of me tonight, and I was going to simply sneak out away from him for a bit (partly as a cruel joke, and partly to not have to watch and be completely left out) ended up going too far. I have broken up with him 3 times tonight alone... and I feel like shit.
I really can't leave him, and it hurts me to have this problem, because in turn it hurts him and ruins friendships. And because it went too far tonight, I lost a friend... Which makes me feel even worse.
I know we'll prolly be together by morning.....but I feel so bad..
I want him to have his fun, but have a hard time sharing him. Especially when I have to watch and be completely left out. I am attempting to fight these emotions, which perhaps mean me breaking up with him for the time that hes playing with others.... Then taking him back when he's done... Mayhaps that is why its such a roller coaster ride for me..... I don't want to get jealous..
I want to be able to share him... I want to be able to not be so greedy....
However, I have ruined enough friendships now.. and enough of his fun to just want to end it all.. to no longer be here...
It hurts me to hurt him... and him literally jumping in front of the car tonight to stop me from leaving for a bit shows that he will do anything for me. Luckily I wasn't moving, so he wasn't hurt.
Does he really love me that much?? and if so.. does that mean I really shouldn't worry about losing him so much and simply let him have his fun by making myself just simply not care??
These are the questions in my mind... and I really wish I knew the answers....
I love my Mixy....and I'm sorry to all the friends I have lost over these emotional issues that I really wish I could control.