My Dear watchers, people who enjoy my art, people all around the world and over the places and web...
2018...
This was maybe one of the hardest years i had, next to the things people say „this year was bad coz of xyz reasons“
No. Im talking here about personal reasons and not stuff which happend in the year to others, like the death of celebrites or stuff like.
Im talking stuff which changed me, myself, or the way i do stuff or handle things here now. For that i created some stuff like lists like
1. what was the best which happend to me 2. what was the worst which happend to me 3. what was the best game for this year 4. what was the best music 5. etc <<< and this will be a very important part
„Stuff like“. With that said, at the very end i have something important to tell to you people which is really a message i try to write from the deepest of my heart...
but for now, lets start with the small lists for now and you might can see what happened to me over the year which might changed myself and how i handle situations...
List #1 What was the best which happened to me
3. Began to draw digital As odd as it might sound but yea, im kinda glad i began to learn how digital artwork works and im happy to draw or „create“ digital artwork. Its not only easier but a lot more people enjoy it what im doing now, not a lot more but still some. Im also glad the watchers which really stick with me leave comments and help me „cheer up“. No srsly, im glad you guys always leave a comment and let me smile. I had a lot depressive moments this year and im glad you guys help me with them – even if its just a small giggle ^^.
2. Getting „done“ with a old friendship which was maybe wrong Maybe this sounds a bit wrong and there will be sure more about this but yes, at the beginning of the year i finally had a talk with a old friend of mine and we ended up going our ways now alone and not together anymore. In other words, we ended our friendship. Why? Odd reasons tbh but why do i count this up as a good reason here? TBH, since we „split up“, i feel better since i know the friendship we had was not good to begin with since it might was build up on the wrong reason, thats why. Right now, im not mad at my old friends, no. I really wish them the best and maybe if they read this they see im not mad about what happened.
1.„Getting over it“ This is a topic i talk later about but for now, lets say its for me like a stone dropped from my heart.
----- List #2 What was the worst which happened to me
3. Bugs, like a lot of them Hell, creating games is a bunch of work and if you create them and you might check them yourself for „bugs and like“, you sure try to fix them and at the end? You ending up, fixing ONE bug but creating 2 new ones. How do we say in Germany? „Ein Schritt vor und 2 zurück“...
2. Getting done with a old friendship which was maybe wrong Yes, even if i know this was a good thing to come over with, im kinda sorry „how“ it ended. I dont blame anyone one of us tbh but there is a word i would have thrown in here, communication. I mean i bet if we would have talked more, we could have saved what was or what would have been but well, i cant change it, this way and i dont want to change it, that way anymore since i already, at least, tried.
1. Health problems didnt get really better Over the year, i tried to work on my health problems but they actually didnt got really „better“ but feels like all i tried kinda backfired, making it only more and more worse. I will try that i can handle the situation THIS (2019) year and that i try to put a bit more effort into the opinions i have. I sure tried already a lot of them that they „would have“ worked out but then again, they backfired. I try to fix this over the next year, i HOPE so at least...
----- List #3 What was the best game for this year Here said, i try only to count up the games i -GOT- this year. I played a lot other games for sure, like Warframe, Team Fortress 2 or ShellShock Live (and sure a lot more)
4. Risk of Rain (Switch version) I actually played this game longer on the switch then on the PC – and i really own the PC version pretty long now but was not really a big fan of it. Sure i played with with some friends back in the days but it was hard to do so since you had to use other programs to do so (like hamachi). Still, the Switch port plays way better but sadly only 2 player online. Its still nice and was a lot of fun this year for me. Next to this, Risk of Rain 2 hype for next year spring X3
3. A Hat in Time I got it this year and dayum this game is fun, i should really finish it but it just overruns me how big the game is and how much fun you can have with it. It reminds me if you would mix the game play from Mario 64 AND Sunshine together. No srsly, its a great game.
2. My Nintendo Switch games in general Since beginning of this year i got myself a switch and i sure enjoyed a lot games over the year that i cant just simple pick, next to the maybe already said risk of rain port, single game i enjoyed „very much“. I got Pokemon Eevee, Bomberman, Splattoon 2 and some other nice games, old and new. Its really hard to make a „2nd“ place here. As i said already, Risk Of rain for switch was maybe the game i enjoyed here and there but for the 2nd place i would say nearly all my switch games.
1. Super Daryl Deluxe Im srs here, Super Daryl Deluxe is -THE- game for me of the year, a hidden gem mostly overshadowed by games like „Hollow Knight“ for no good reason. I mean i owned Hollow Knight before it was a „thing“ and i dont really enjoyed it. The Main character is like „youre the hero“ and thats pretty much it. Sure the other characters have some „persona“ but the main character was for me kinda of a riddle and the style was a bit...well...“off-sided“, one reason why i didnt really enjoyed it and stoped playing pretty early on. Daryl in the other hand is way more fun to play. The music, story, characters, they all „feel“ well designed and it really feels like you are in a „normal school“, just as „new one“. So if you really enjoy metroidvania games, you should give Super Daryl Deluxe a try. Im srs here, it got my vote for the game of this year.
----- List #4 What was the best music
3. Foster The People - Pumped up Kicks https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SDTZ7iX4vTQ Never thought to say that a song about school shooters can be that nice and smooth to hear and in the other hand is very srs. I duno „why“ but this song was pretty much my ear-worm everywhere i went. Smooth to hear but still srs. Nice.
2. The Legend of Daryl (Super Daryl Deluxe Theme Song) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCwUGEPAqS0 This Song pretty much sold me to the best game of the year i played in a long long time and im dead srs about it. The song is fun and so the game. I mean just LISTEN to it, who wouldnt be sold? The story behind it, the freaking jokes, the rock, i just love it.
1. LAZERHAWK - SO FAR AWAY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=39zKhsT5naI This was pretty much the song for me which bought me to the synthwave style i enjoy and like now and found for myself. Its a smooth song with no lyric at all but still tells a story of its own. I enjoy this song so much and i would really say, yes, this was the song of the year for me.
----- ETC stuff
So yea i got to the point where i wanna talk for real now and jump right with the door into the room and say
im leaving the furry fandom in total if i even was ever part of it.
This sounds maybe harder then it actually „is“ since not really a whole lot will „maybe“ change but with that said, i dont consider myself as furry nor think i should be „called“ as one.
I changed my main page this year (here the link in case you didnt know- NEEDS FLASHPLAYER: http://anumchaos.magix.net/website ) and even there i call myself „creator“ now. I would go and say im a artist but then, im not that good at it. I also could say i make music but i dont do that as job nor do that for money or something. I also make games but then im not a dev.
So thinking about, i do all this stuff more or less just as „hobby“, i think calling myself creator might sounds ok with all the reasons and stuff in mind. Another reason actually why i „leave“ the furry fandom is not only those, more like i never really felt in touch with it. The „last straw“ was for me actually the „Hunt and Snare“ part and talk i had with the dev and how some people tried „very hard“ to defend it as „part of the furry fandom“. I could go on and talk about it again but insteed leaving you with a link to a review i wrote about said game which let me just thought twice if im really a member of said fandom or not. At the end, i found myself NOT as part of it if this is what „furry“ is all about. Link: https://steamcommunity.com/id/watheanum/recommended/944...
Im sure it is not all „true“ what i wa smaybe talking about or how „harsh“ i was at the end, of course but for someone who thought he „is“ somewhat in touch with a fandom, its hard to fight against something which is „somehow true“ and you still try yourself to defend it but getting asskicked for doing it.
With that said, i will leave the fandom and lay the title „furry“ by side. Dont worry, i keep on drawing my furry characters and sure draw still some naughty stuff with them...but not on the regular „base“ anymore.
People more or less know me by now for my „Spysonas“ or Spy characters „Fuse & Ms Fire“ and i think i will stay with this way. The Spys are characters more fitting for me and i might work on a big project with them next year. I have a idea i really really „want“ to work on but i want also that people enjoy it and not just me – depending how i end up „creating“ this said ig project. So keep this in mind coz i will talk about it later in the next year for sure.
Another reason is that im not really getting any younger and i dont want to be known only as some idiot who draws only adult furry stuff or waste his talents and skills with it. Nothing personal but think about it, if youre a furry artist, or maybe more a furry PORN artist „only“, what will you tell your close ones in 10, 15, 20 years? „Oh i was known in a fandom of pervs, creating some animal characters fucked their asses“? „I was drawing porn from Characters i barely know but did it coz everyone else did back in the day“? „I lived some double standards by saying i hate a whole series of games but created a character which fucked the living shit out of only the females of the series“?
I mean maybe i go a bit „to far“ here and jumped on a train which maybe some people dont understand but just think about it this way: Youre turning 20, 25, 30, got married and your wife is getting a baby, a son or daughter is now up to your imagination. Now, let us go 15, 16 years forward. Youre turning old and your son or daughter askes you for what you were known or what you did in “your younger days”. I mean im sure you can see what i try to tell you with that and i dont want to attack someone here personal nor do i want to get called now “Idealist”. If you want to call me something, call me “Realist” coz i see things just as how they are and not how i “want them to be”. Look at me as sample, image i would have a son by now which is...lets say he would be 6 years old. Add 10 years and he would be 16 and i would be 41 by then. Do you think i would tell him “yes, son. Your dad was a perv person and drawn some characters which looked like the old walt disney company would have drawn and let them fuck each other all day all night long.” Give it a thought. Sounds good right~?
Yet another reason is that a artist who does his „own“ thing will never get the respect „here in the fandom“ like someone who always draws either porn from known characters or draws stuff the artist might not like. I could go for MANY many samples but (without saying the name here) if you see a YCH from a „known“ artist which was known for his great art but only draws now krystal or other „known characters“ and has now YCH pictures with a price-tag from 2000$+ on it, you think yourself sometimes youre doing something wrong in your life. No this has nothing to do with „youre just one of those people who are envious, jealous n shit“ but we are talking about a price-tag where people can deal with their life problems for a long time without going to work anymore. You can say now „artwork is like a brand“ now or say now „you have to see the work behind this artwork“. If you go say and tell it me „that way“, in that case i would say a doctor who works 42 hours+ straight in a hospital should be millionaire and HAS to earn WAY more money in a hour, at least 3-5 times as much...i mean if you pay a simple digital art 2000 bucks+, compare that with a work of a doctor now who works in the hospital or emergency department.
But then again, i dont envy the people who pay or are “able” to pay such prices. Why? First of all, its not my money and i dont care about since it IS not my money. Why the hell should i take care of someones money which i dont have or own? Second, if people really are “in that need” to pay such high prices from about 2000 bucks+ for “JUST” a drawn picture which -IS- already a YCH. N-O-T a commission BUT a simple pose, taken from a PLAYBOY MAGAZINE picture (oh yea~), is it my problem? I mean i sure can use the YCH now and try to “copyright a pose”... (coughs~), reuse it and draw the pose my own or i just use the more sexier version from the original playboy babe and draw it myself. I think i would save myself....let me think...more then ~99% of the money, if you know what i mean.
Again, sure, i am maybe not the right one who should judge but i AM indeed the right one who CAN judge if we are talking about the artists which are kinda “in the shadows” coz of this reasons. For those prices, think about it, you can help one person who might already “has” this money to “has” such high prices and im sure that said person already HAS the money and HAS a “good life”... OR you can help a lot other, smaller artists which might are happy (and really in need) about every 20 bucks they can get. Think about it. You sure can blame them/ me now “but they are not that gooooooooooooooodddd” or “but they areee uuunnknooooowwwwnnn my status willll nooot raaaaaaaiiiiiiisssssssssszzzzeee if i pay art from them” ... if your only problem is your image and you only want a piece of art from a “known artist” coz of the “known status” the artist has, think about whos the person with the bigger problem. Im dead srs here, if you really need this “status boost”, think about it “WHY”. Next to this, outside of the fandom, what is it worth? “Oh my character got drawn by mr.mypenisisohsolong and i payed 2000 bucks for it that he draws it” - Who the fuck cares? No im srs, who OUTSIDE of the fandom cares? Your mom? Your dad? Your Business manager? Your Boss? Your Dog? Your Flowers? Your blanket maybe? - Most people in the fandom maybe dont even KNOW this “known artist” man...
And im 100% sure people dont “envy” YOU for paying it, they are shaking their HEADS coz of how could you just “waste” so much money for it and no, they dont do it coz they are jealous, for sure not. They are shaking their heads coz they dont know how they can turn a facepalm into the right words dude. You dont believe me? Well then, look at the finished products of said “artists”/pictures and tell me if you see at least 1 “normal colored character” on them or person which literally DONT care about its image and come back to me. I can at least tell you will sure MAYBE find ONE person...but you will have quite a journey searching for that.
Still, sure i also want to get something “for” the money i give them but what i try to say is, i better help someone who might “needs” the money for real instead of giving it someone who already can shower himself in the money hes earning, which feels like im the only one who thinks this way.
I, as one of the less artists who does his OWN THING and doesnt care about if he has to draw Krystal tittys to get attention.
That means: If I commission you to draw something for me, I do it coz I ENJOY YOUR ART AND STYLE – NOT coz youre a “known artist”, fuck that. I enjoy your art and youre a worthy person I like to cooperate with. This is the biggest honor you can get from a costumer, if he wants something from you coz he really enjoys it and I did enjoy every art commission I got from every person who I ever commissioned so far. I dont commission you coz youre a known artist, I do it coz I ENJOY your art.
I know I might droped some bombs here now and im sure not everyone likes what he/she read there (just keep your comments for yourself for the better, trust me if youre “that hurt”) but as I said already, THINK about it for a moment before you go on a killing-spree and read the full thing for ones. Also I said something(s) what a lot already are thinking anyways (yes, I know that) but they just dont have the “balls” to be that honest to themselves or others. I am a honest person, maybe sometimes a bit misunderstood but, for real, if you read this wall of text, you maybe can understand me “somewhat” here and see im “not so wrong” with it...
So again said, i dont wanna bring people to leave the fandom too, dont worry, but maybe give it a little thought about „what they do“ and mostly „how“ they do it. I sure dont quit „soon“ drawing adult art, sure not, nor do i want people to stop but i sure, at least, will think about „how“ i will draw such stuff in the near future...
So yea, thats pretty much all for this years stats and stuff i want to say now since now i feel just way better about my self and being that honest to you guys. I hope youre all ok with that and have a good bump into the new year.
My Dear watchers, people who enjoy my art, people all around the world and over the places and web...
I wish you all the best and a good bump into the new year.
Your W.A. .
Small Edit: I never said i will leave my accounts, NOT for now at least.
