Taken from a Skype log: ---- [6:20:25 PM] Kaze: I fucking hate this stupid class [6:20:34 PM] Kaze: I have to take one of my classes online [6:20:43 PM] Kaze: It's a first year experience class [6:20:52 PM] Kaze: It is the MOST ARBITRARY RETARDED BULLSHIT EVER [6:22:22 PM] Kaze: http://i.imgur.com/5adPA.png [6:22:23 PM] Kaze: This [6:22:24 PM] Kaze: is [6:22:27 PM] Kaze: ONE OF MY QUESTIONS [6:22:37 PM] Kaze: You know what? This professor can fuck off [6:23:02 PM] Kaze: Why the fuck does it matter the REASONS behind someone's motivation to do something useful? -----
I have certain life experiences that make me believe this.
----- [6:23:22 PM] Kaze: When I was 13, I got suspended from school [6:23:26 PM] Kaze: again [6:23:36 PM] Kaze: And I had a week to make up a ton of work [6:23:54 PM] Kaze: Well, I was insanely unmanagable. [6:24:21 PM] Kaze: My mother grounded me and took my gameboy, I had just gotten LeafGreen at the time [6:24:39 PM] Kaze: I threw such a fit that it got physical until she gave it back to me [6:25:06 PM] Kaze: She was so beyond any rationality that she had to call my grandmother to come pick me up. [6:25:32 PM] Kaze: When I got in the car, my grandmother took my gameboy and told me that I'd get it back when I did all my school work. [6:26:08 PM] Kaze: About 3 days afterword, at night, I said "I can't wait to get this work done so I can keep raising my Charmeleon" [6:26:14 PM] Kaze: My grandmother went ape shit [6:26:50 PM] Kaze: "I am half-tempted to not give it back to you because you didn't learn a damn thing! You aren't doing this because it's the right thing to do to help with your education, you're doing it to get your game back!" [6:28:02 PM] Kaze: My response: "Why does it even matter? As long as I get it done, it shouldn't matter what my reason is. And I don't CARE about my education, I actually CARE about pokemon! You should be glad I even have any motivation because otherwise I'd just not even do this stupid work." [6:28:09 PM] Kaze: I do not regret this. [6:29:01 PM] Kaze: Even though my college education matters to me, it only matters to me because in this economy, a degree in something from a community college makes me more likely to get a job than someone out of highschool. [6:30:10 PM] Kaze: And I'm not doing this homework right now because it's the right thing to do, I'm doing it because I have to, because I'll get penalized on my financial aid if I don't meet a certain GPA, because I want the fuck out of this class, and because I wanna get back to playing Pokepark 2, something I actually give two shits about. [6:30:43 PM] Kaze: If this idiot professor thinks that I am in the wrong, then they're just a patronizing, unrealistic dumbass. -----
The thought that there is even a "right" reason to do anything pisses me off. There are times when I try to be honorable about matters which I am personally invested in, and there are times when I have what is publicly defined as "genuine good intentions" for my actions, but I do NOT always have such intentions, I have no intention of pretending that I do, and there really is nothing wrong with my motivation for doing something I don't enjoy just so I can get back to something I do.
Any morally aligned person might find a lot of faults with my motives. I've bought my friends games because I wanted them to play with me, I've PMed people on IRC with the intention of cyber sex, I've drawn pictures solely for attention and to boost my notoriety, I only give a shit about college because it'll help me get a job in this economy, I only help people with chores if they're paying me, I am a terrible person by public definition, but if anyone actually believes that about me, I suggest they look at their own motives for doing anything. I'd bet my life's savings theirs aren't much better than mine.