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Hippiemouse

Attention cubs....your ranks have increased by 1....sorta



Well...long ago when i was 14 or 15(im 32 now) my mom used to go to this food pantry that also gave us things besides food...one time they gave us some adult sized diapers.

So my mom went away for a weekend to a bluegrass festival while my siblings were visiting their dad so i had the house all to my self...i got curious as to what it would feel like to wear one of those diapers and tried one on....and woke up 3 hours later,wet,stinky and no memory whatsoever of what transpired in those 3 hours....i was so scared by the missing 3 hours that i never put on another diaper again....untill yesterday.

My time with
Addik
Addik
and
Rooky
Rooky
made me want to try it again....so yesterday i finally got enough courage to put on a diaper again....and once again....lost a few hours.
 
According to Addik and Rooky i became a 2 yearold they affectionately called little cory.
Addik says i am something called a Regressionest.

Im not really cubby...my personality is that of a 32 year old geek/hippy....but when i put on a diaper i go back in time to the age of 2.

It still scares me that i have no memory of this....but one can not allow themselves to become a slave to their fears....gotta face your fears head on....i think i may try it again before i move to Vegas....tho this time i want them to video me....i want to see what im like when im under
Viewed: 29 times
Added: 6 years, 8 months ago
 
Unistar
6 years, 8 months ago
Whoa now that's interesting^^'''
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
Mondo thanks...im still a bit ...i don't know...its weird....on one hand it still scares me that i lose myself so completely but on the other hand doing it had one unforeseen yet awesome side effect.....normally...since this happened https://www.furaffinity.net/journal/3068228/ my emotions have been so intense and out of control that i have been like a Vulcan going thru Pon-far or Bendii Syndrome....but after putting on that diaper and losing a few hours i feel strangely more in control of my emotions....things that would have sent me crying for a few hours or made me so angry that i become verbally hostile...don't effect me as strongly as they did before i put on the diaper and lost a few hours....i guess the escape back to a time when my greatest worry was how to make friends when we move every 6 months is subconsciously remembered....i dont know...im just happy to be in more controle of my emotions.
Unistar
6 years, 8 months ago
Hehe emotions are the key to fetishism and comfort as we all know, so that you liked the feeling of diapers, but also got scared from the experience you got from wearing them is a sign that you may have an interest for it but feel it's too overwheelming and strange for an adult, you in this case.

If you put a diaper on again but change the way you think of the whole diaper=baby thing to something else, like the portable potty thought, maybe the experience won't be as intense.

It's always about changing or change. ^^
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
XD that is actually how i think of diapers as being
Unistar
6 years, 8 months ago
Then it doesn't matter ^^ but it isn't something wrong with you!
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
perhaps...been a rough life for me...one that woulda sent weaker men jumping off a bridge.
It could be possible that i broke somewhere along the way...but what an interesting break.....i plan on doing a vid of me asking my younger self a few questions...then having addik and rooky show the vid to my younger self and do a vid of him responding...it should provide me with valuable insight...i mean how many people get that kind of oppurtunity
Unistar
6 years, 8 months ago
Rarely anyone at all does, but it's not impossible for others. :3
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
XD yep yep yep.
CLCoon
6 years, 8 months ago
that is an interesting condition, imma look more into that. =2
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
It would be greatly appreciated....thank you
cooncub
6 years, 8 months ago
My poor mindless mom has diapers now, but its cause she is kinda in her own world since dad passed away. Maybe I should try it, hehehe, nah I can't do that but hey if might feel good. so go for it my friend  
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
Thank you...i intend to do it some more....for reasons stated to
Unistar
Unistar
up there
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
sorry bout your mom *hugs*
HeavyheartHare
6 years, 8 months ago
Yay! One of us... one of us... one of us... :D
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
Yep yep yep....XD but thanks to what you said i now have this playing in my head https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9d2Gxm6nZAk
DOtter
6 years, 8 months ago
*snuggles* Hippy, luv, blacking out is usually pretty serious. Something's going on in your poor noggin and if at all possible, it would be a Very Good Idea to get a professional to help you with it. Meanwhile, is it possible that something Really Big happened to you when you were two-ish? It might be hard to remember; you might need family to remind you. If you do try the experience again, definitely get somebody to tape it, make sure you're not alone and get who ever stays with you to gently question "Little Cory" -- GENTLY -- about what's going on. (The best they're likely to get is clues.)
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
I can remember all the way back to 1 and a half years old.....the worst thing i can remember from that time is moving so much that i was never in one place long enough to make friends...we would move bout twice a year.

I think this is more likely to stem from the fact that i never really had a childhood....around 4 years old i lost my virginity to my big sister in exchange for a sneak peek at christmas presents....spent my time from then on looking for sex from ANYONE young or old who would give it to me...sometimes even getting paid for sex from local child molesters....had so much sex that by the time i hit 10 i was so tired of the endless sex that i wanted something more meaningful....someone to love me,hold me in an intimate yet non sexual manner...someone i could spend a lifetime with.

Ive also spent about a decade in therapy and it did not help...i quit going when i found out that they weren't even listening...just pretending to.

*hugs back*

No worries uncle dotter....i don't plan on trying it again unless i have at least 2 trustworthy friends there to keep an eye on me.
I will do it again tho....it had a wonderful side effect.

Ever since i was forced to stop seeing mudpaws due to this bacterial skin infection my emotions have become so intense that i have been like a Vulcan going thru Pon-far or Bendii Syndrome...completely overwhelmed and at the mercy of whatever emotion i am feeling...as a result i have been a horrible person for addik to live with...but after putting on that diaper and blacking out,becoming my 2 year old self for a few hours....my emotions are not as overwhelmingly strong as they were before....i am thinking more clearly than i have in almost 8 months....it is incredibly refreshing to no longer be enslaved to my emotions....sadly the effect is wearing off...every day my emotions gain strength....i estimate that they will be back to full strength within a week...maybe 2 if nothing stresses me out
DOtter
6 years, 8 months ago
Wait, your own sister deflowered you when you were four? Way, way too early; no wonder you're messed-up. Poor mousie!

" ...i was so tired of the endless sex that i wanted something more meaningful....someone to love me,hold me in an intimate yet non sexual manner...someone i could spend a lifetime with.


That alone could explain the transformation. "Little Cory" is obviously pre-sexual, he just needs to be held and cuddled and loved. But why would you black out? It seems to me that you'd want to remember that experience. I'm no pshrink, but it seems to me that there's got to be more going on. I'm nowhere close to qualified to guess what, though.

What did Addik and Rooky say Little Cory did the last time you went through this? And did they interact with Little Cory or just stand-by and watch?

One other thing; whatever is going on inside you, I want you to know that it matters to me. You're a good guy, you deserve to be happy and healthy and whole. If there's more that I can do to help you, please ask. (I can't guarantee that I'll really be able to do something you need, but I will if I can.)
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
Dont really know...but i have been pondering that particular quandary myself ever since i came back from it.
i have a theory....my life hasnt exactly easy....lots of fucked up shit happened to me from 4 to about 15 or 16 when i first put on a diaper...perhaps my mind split into 2 as a way to cope...one mind the hippiemouse everyone knows...the other mind "Little Cory"...a mind pure and untouched by the BS in my life.
Thank you for your concerne dude...im rather concerned myself to be honest
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
As for what my other half did while i was under....apparently he built a pretty bad ass looking plane using a buncha lego blocks...must admit...im impressed with the little dude...i dont think i could be THAT creative in plane design
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
looked like he built two different plans and attached them together...when addik and rooky told me what i built while under i immediately got my camera out and and took a picture of the thing...may post it
DOtter
6 years, 8 months ago
So he basically sat there and played Lego. Well, that's cool. I wouldn't have been surprised if he cried a lot, (he has enough to cry about), but I guess he just wanted to come out and play. I confess that Multiple Personality Disorder occurred to me, too but again, I'm no pshrink. Only a real therapist could make a proper diagnosis.
Hippiemouse
6 years, 8 months ago
Never really cried when i was that young...it wasnt till i was old enough to go to school and get picked on by bullies every day that i began to cry.
Always kinda knew i was broken...guess i did not really know just how broken i really was....but what an interesting break...one which grants me an opportunity to do something id need Doc Browns's Delorian for...converse with a younger me..i plan on doing a vid of me asking my younger self a few questions...then having addik and rooky show the vid to my younger self and do a vid of him responding...it should provide me with valuable insight...i mean how many people get that kind of opportunity.
Tho...what questions should i ask a 2 year old me XD?
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