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Haters worldwide, Please read this.

Re-posted from LupineAssassin who has re-posted this from Nick2Shy   Link here: https://inkbunny.net/journalview.php?id=32088

The boy you punched in the hall today, Committed suicide a few min ago.
That girl you called a slut in class today, she's a virgin.
The boy you called lame, He has to work every night to support his family.
That girl you pushed down the other day is already being abused at home.
You think you know them.
Guess what, YOU DON'T!
Re-post if you are against bullying.
I bet 99% of you won't.
Repost this if you're that 1% with a heart.

Bullying is just shit!

I know this isn't much, but here is something personal for me and yes this means story time from me.
My worst offender was my grandmother. Yes, the same person I love and miss was also an abuser and made my life hell. After my grandfather passed away when I was 5, and I'm 22 now, my grandmother drank everyday until a few months before her death in 07. Her use of alcohol to numb her pain caused her to go from "I Love You" to the constant "You are not qualified to think" and the occasional beatings. In the end this relationship that I had with my grandmother lead me to believe in my heart of hearts that love isnt nice. That its an elusive rose with too many thorns. Because of her, I always feel like everything is my fault and I apologize profusely for everything, including things that are outside of my control. One thing that sticks out in my mind that my mother, the person who brought me into this world but never raised me, blamed me for my grandmother being in a comatose state the night before she passed away. My grandmother was my mom in almost every sense of the word. Call it Stockholm syndrome, idiocy, or insanity, but I loved her and idolized her even though she caused me to think I am not worthy to think for myself or that I am retarded. Its because of this relationship with my grandmother that I have thought that I wouldnt make it to my 18th birthday. She has threatened to take me out of this world if I kept pushing her buttons. That on top of the other issues that I had come up in my life, I did think of killing myself since it felt like no one would care. It felt like my grandmother only "lived" because she had to take care of me. I have honestly thought of suicide as a means to make everyone happy since I was about 7-8 and the last time I truly considered it was a year and a half ago. Everything that Has happened to me in my passed has scarred me and it still affects me today. No, I cant make me feel worthless like I used to, however, I still hurt.

Moral of the story, Bullies exist in or outside of School. It can be someone close to you, like how my grandmother was to me. Dont keep it in. Keeping it in can do just as much damage as the person who is bullying you. I should know, I have rarely talked to anybody about what I went  through and now I am so insecure, afraid, and in the end lonely because I cant let people get close to me even though I wear my heart on my sleeve.

For those that are the ones being bullied, my advice is to try the "right" way to end the bullying but if it gets down to it, beat the living shit out the POS so they understand that they don't have power over you. If they dont give you the respect to let you be yourself and leave you alone, take it, own it. I know it sounds so weird coming from me, but I am finding my way and trying not to let a lot of my problems hold me back from being who I am meant to be.


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Added: 6 years, 11 months ago
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