Fuck Braid, I'm never playing it again, it's a piece of shit, the developer is a FUCKING MORON, and I want to punch him square in the face now.
For those who don't want to hate it, don't watch any of those and don't read this next section. ________________________________________________________________________________
This game is so HORRIBLY DESIGNED!
No, not the puzzles, they're awesome. In fact, I love the ideas and the variety. In fact, this used to be one of my favorite indie games and was my example of brilliant level design.
But those last stars? I didn't even know they existed! And I have EVERY Steam trophy in the game expect for the speedrun one. And by the way, I consider myself to be great at collect-a-thon games! So, strike number one.
Ok, so having rare hard-to-find shit isn't bad game design, even if the game doesn't so much as hint at their existence. You know what IS bad game design? Making it so you not only have to do the most batshit insane things to get said collectibles, but that you cannot go back and get them again without restarting your entire fucking game! YOU DO NOT DO THAT EVER! When designing a game, if you're going to have rare collectibles, the player should ALWAYS be able to go back at any time and recollect them! Not bad enough? How about having to stand on a fucking cloud for 2 hours! TWO! FUCKING! HOURS! Of STANDING! IN A VIDEO GAME! SERIOUSLY?! "Oh, but that's just ONE bad thing!" You might say. Ok, how about AVOIDING PUTTING A PUZZLE TOGETHER? You know how puzzles are supposed to be put together to progress in the fucking game? Yeah, DON'T put a puzzle together! In fact, don't put TWO puzzles together, for ONE FUCKING STAR! REALLY?! REALLY?!!! Strike number two!
So some people might be ok with this stuff. "Well, it offers a good challenge." Yeah because standing on a fucking cloud for two hours is challenging. But anyway, maybe this doesn't bother some people, maybe some people LIKE cryptic bullshit. Well, how about this cryptic bullshit? You know how those stars make a constellation? Guess what it's supposed to be! The princess blowing up. YES, the fucking princess BLOWING THE FUCK UP. WHAT?!
That last video explains it. This whole fucking story? Yeah, it's not a love story turned into a series of introspection on self-improvement. Well, that was what I thought it was. Dunno what you guys thought it was, but I bet I know what you thought it wasn't, some guy living with the guilt with the fact he caused a NUCLEAR EXPLOSION. Not. Fucking. Kidding. And the princess is supposed to be a BOMB. WHAT? HOW does ANY of this relate to ANY of what went on in that fucking story? NOWHERE does it talk about anything remotely like that! Oh wait, it does, that weird unreadable text in the final books. Wow. That is fucking bullshit.
I'm all for subversion and deep stories, but THAT is BULLSHIT. And I do not consider myself a stupid person, at least not with reading. Considering I managed to translate most of The Odyssey without help, and I was able to understand at least half of Poe's writings in highschool, I think I know how to look at subversion and whatnot. THAT is not a cleverly written story, THAT is completely random! WHO THE FUCK WRITES A STORY LIKE THAT? WHAT IS THIS BULLSHIT I AM LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW OH MY GOOOO- *head explodes* Strike number three, BRAID IS OUT!