First some backstory
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Loco is a website for badass goats and badass goat lovers.
It's based on a character that John Samer invented for his game Albion.
Albion's fanbase is on a website called PuppyPaws.
They don't like us much because we spam the Albion fan community with goat stuff.
They have an annual holiday on their site throughout the month of may.
So we planned to attack on the 24th, today, starting at dawn like in Transformers.
Because of timezones that would be different times for everybody.
We didn't think it through.
Their head admins are Karl (that's his actual username) who's the boss, TheBoss (that's their username) who died a while ago and is still ranked number for some reason, ZeroG, who mostly protects PuppyPaws from spam attacks like ours, a few other important guys and then a sea of part-time admins.
Zero was doing well banning all our posts just minutes after we posted them but then they made a joke that they might as well change their name to ZeroGoat if we won.
It turns out that ZeroGoat was the former boyfriend of one of our members years ago.
You might think that's a coincidence but it turns out that was much closer to the truth than we thought.
His old boyfriend recognized him from his picture. Zero IS ZeroGoat.
So we did some looking around and some curious members of PuppyPaws helped us and found out that ZeroG AKA Chris Lun was in fact ZeroGoat AKA Chris Elliot.
Years ago Chris had not one, not two, but several boyfriends at the same time without any of the other boyfriends finding out. Then one day he deleted all the data on his social networks and got his family to tell each of his partners that he had actually died.
Then he took on this new Chris Lun identity calling themselves ZeroG.
If you think that would have made them easy to find, they only posted on PuppyPaws for years because that website is a closed community and normal people can't get in without approval.
They kept their past a secret to PuppyPaws members and there's more.
Secret to everybody Chris had moved to Vietnam and currently has not one, not two, but 8 or possibly even more girlfriends.
Unlike before the 8 girlfriends all knew about each other and they've been having secret sex parties together with Chris.
Turns out a couple of his girlfriends can't keep secrets well and the hackers we have were able to find the info from reverse searching or something.
After that news hit PuppyPaws we just couldn't spam the forums enough.
Everyone was talking about their rogue admin and his secret lives.
Now it's a meme there and they can't stop posting macros and gifs.
Our day is ruined and one of our members is beside himself because his former boyfriend he thought was dead and mourned for was cheating on him, turned straight and has been having orgies in another country.
Not only that but he's like the leader almost of our enemy's website.
Truth is stranger than fiction everybody. It really is.
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5 years, 11 months ago
24 May 2018 16:17 CEST
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