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SplendidTheHybrid

Bad News RL

Don't read if you REALLY don't wanna be upset.




Okay, back in November, my mom dropped something on her foot and broke it. Like super bad
The doctor put a Halo cage on it to get it in place and heal. Even though she wasn't supposed to, she hobbled around on it quite a bit.
She hobbled until she accidentally widened one of the holes where the wires went through her leg bone, so the doctor put a much bigger rod through the bone to hold it all in place.
Then a week before she was going to get the cage off, she got her foor tangled in the cage and the larger rod acted as a lever and snapped her leg.
When we finally convinced her that it was badly broken, she went and got a cast.
She kept hobbling around, had to take a bunch of antibiotics that made her sick. So I was in charge of getting her cleaned up, dressed, into and out of bed, into her wheel chair, to the toilet and such.
Then she started getting swollen up at night, like she'd lay on her side and it'd be all puffy in the morning... and she was kinda wonky, talking loudly in her sleep, snoring loudly
She'd get super disoriented, talk nonsense for about 20-30 minutes after waking up. she'd be fine once we sat her up though. She wouldn't do anything about it, because "I'm fine now" We finally told the doctor behind the back and he made her go to the emergency room, but after a four hour wait and all the getting ready and stuff, she was perfectly fine except for a little fluid in her lungs...
Which she lorded over us whenever she got wonky again.
Then the night before.... it happened... we couldn't wake her up, it took ten minutes of yelling, shaking, and screaming to get her to wake up. I forced her to get up, got her dressed, got her in the wheelchair and ready to go to the hospital.
But I had to use the bathroom, so she wanted to wait in her chair. But while I was on the toilet, my brother went downstairs to avoid being part of a fight he knew was coming.
And my mom broke my dad with "If you make me do this.... I will never forgive you." And slowly she wore me down to calling the doctor, but he wasn't there when we called... So she promised to call him in the morning. Then I kept her up, let her watch NCIS till 1:30 in the morning. Then I finally broke down and let her go to bed after she drank her vanilla milk.
I stayed up the whole night playing video games and talking to my friends like usual. Then I checked in on her every once in a while. At 10:30, she wanted to get up to help me do dishes, she was a lot more with it upon waking up and I was a lazy scumbag and told her to sleep some more.
At 11:30 I checked in again and gave her the phone when her sister called.
At 12:30... she was dead. She was laying in bed, all her covers were pushed down to her waist, her lips were so blue... She was cold.... Not breathing, no pulse... she was dead.
I ran and got my brother and called 911. I tried mouth to mouth and it was awful.... 911 had my brother and I get her on the floor to do CPR and he did it until they arrived.

It took them nearly 20 minutes before they were able to restart her heart.

It was a pulmonary embolism in her lung. It leached the oxygen out of her blood and she essentially choked to death and just... I was sitting in the other room playing a stupid video game.....

The doctors are all saying that she would have had the embolism even if we'd gotten her up, that it would have caused the same amount of brain damage as it did... which is... extensive... she's not in there anymore...

Cass, her pitbull keeps laying in her spot on the bed, he's worried and waiting for mommy to come home like she always does.


I don't wanna forget my mom's visit
I'm terrified that my mind made it all up and that I'm just bullshitting and making everyone even more sad or making dad have hope...
But I heard her say "I'm here" While I was sleeping in my bed and I half woke up... then I don't know if I was dreaming, if my mind was coming up with stuff, or if my mom was showing me that she was there and loves me so much...
But I sat and watched tv with her. I don't know what.... it faded....
Then I was laying next to her in her bed, with my arm over her and I was just cuddling with my mommy
She told me that she loves me and that she's with me.
Then she told me that she'd visit dad later.... then I fell asleep.

I'm scared that I just came with it... I'm scared that my mom is just gone. I'm afraid she just... ceased to exist... What if there's nothing after? What if we just made it all up to make ourselves feel better than we'll never ever see or be even able to hear our loved ones again? I'm so scared
I'm scared that she's just trapped inside and can't do anything to tell us... I don't pull the plug.... I don't wanna have my mommy choke to death....I don't care what anybody ever says, I'll always feel like it's my fault. I know she didn't want to live like a vegetable, but...
I don't want her to be just gone...
But I don't want her to suffer either....
I'm afraid I'll be a coward when it comes time... and I don't want to run away from my mom and leave her alone with strangers to die in an unfamiliar place....
But I also don't know if I can stand sitting and holding her hand while she chokes to death again and there's nothing I can do to save my mommy.
I just want my mommy.
Viewed: 113 times
Added: 5 years, 12 months ago
 
Snowfirechakat
5 years, 12 months ago
I'm so so sorry my friend but it sounds like your mom may be trying to tell she's ready to go and letting you know that she will always be with you even if you cant see her her spirit is always by your side
SplendidTheHybrid
5 years, 12 months ago
I know, I'm just scared and uncertain and I dunno...
Snowfirechakat
5 years, 12 months ago
right just take your time talk it over with the rest of the family  and please don't blame your self  
SplendidTheHybrid
5 years, 12 months ago
Update, they're planning to pull the plug some time on monday... Been informed that it might take minutes... or hours.
Snowfirechakat
5 years, 12 months ago
okay just stay strong and know she loves you my friend
RoryKiyomichi
5 years, 12 months ago
I'm sorry for your loss. :( Please don't blame yourself. And please take time to take care of yourself!
SplendidTheHybrid
5 years, 12 months ago
I really appreciate it.
I'll be trying.
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