Haven't posted in a few weeks.
Reason being I had a health scare that technically never got resolved.
Started with me getting a loud ring in my right ear, follow with me getting a wave of weakness and feeling like a moments from passing out.
Happened once at home and I figured it was weird, but I ignored it. Next day, it happened again at work, but this time my left arm started aching and...then started going numb.
Needless to say, I began to panic because I thought I was about to have a heart attack or something. With that scare running through my mind, resulted in me having a Panic Attack as I rushed to the ER.
Long story short, my heart was fine, but I had two doctors tell me that I had a case of: "Idunno"
The "vertigo" I was having (according to them), they thought was a sign of something wrong with my ear. But what was throwing them off was my arm, that kept going numb. Which, after the ER visit, started becoming a 'warning sign' for when I was about to suffer a wave of weakness and almost passing out.
So they gave me a couple of pills and sent me on my way.
That was Week 1
The next week, I was taking the meds. Started to feel a little better...kinda...very slowly. The vertigo and numbness slowed a little bit....for a couple of days. Then on a wednesday; everything I was going through got turned up to 11 and the meds stopped working. In fact one of the pills began making things worse.
In addition, my left eye started having problems. It got more blurry than my right eye. Like VERY blurry, and I had this 'burn in' shadow in my vision. (best explanation I can give is if you stare directly at a light for a few seconds or more, then shut your eyes, you'll see that burn in image of the light)
AND, another problem arises. I start feeling the vertigo and such when I drive. Motion starts screwing with me. So now I begin worrying that I won't be able to leave my house.
So, back to the doctor...a different doctor this time. Checks heart again, it's fine. Blood pressures good. Draws some blood for tests. Turns out that's normal too. So again, I have a case of 'Idunno'.
Oh this is going swimmingly.
Decide to see what's up with my eye. Desperately trying to get something fixed here. Go to my eye doctor. He does all the test on my right eye. That goes by very easily.
But then tries the left eye....and oh boy. I'm pretty sure he exhausted every lens in that eye device, trying to get me to read the bottom line of that eye chart. And to no avail.
So he turns to the Xrays and FINALLY finds the problem ( with my eye anyway).
I developed a swelling behind my eye ball thats causing the blurred vision and the 'burn in' effect. According to him, the swelling is due to Extreme Stress. And he tells me to try and relax...........
He's talking to the guy whose left side of his body is falling apart, for no reason apparently, who thought he was having a heart attack, yet doctors don't know what's wrong with me ....and I need to relax?
Yeah, sure...no problem at all!
So for the next 7+ days, I'm wearing an eye patch on my left eye. Taking a different set of pills and steroids for the vertigo and worrying if I'm going to wake up the next day
Surprisingly, the issue finally seems to be subsiding and I'm recovering from my case of 'idunno'. What was wrong with me is still a mystery and hopefully doesn't turn out to be something major that went into hiding.
I'd like to add, that during all of this, I have been drawing still as it seemed to be the only thing I knew I could do that was relaxing.
However I haven't posted anything up, because of health reasons. Lemme explain. I go though a bit of anxiety everytime I post a picture (Yes that over used issue that many other artists have), and sometimes, being worried what others think about what I drew, stresses me the hell out.
I don't know why. And I wish I knew how to say 'fuck what they think' like others do, but...I really don't know how? In all seriousness, if anyone call tell me how to not care what others think, please tell/teach me. Because that worry does restrict me way more than you know.
But anyway, all of this is why I haven't posted anything for a bit. But I'll be posting things again shortly, maybe later today since I'm far better than I was and finally convinced (for now) that I'm not having a heart problem.
Granted I still feel 'off', but I believe it's getting better.
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6 years, 1 month ago
04 Mar 2018 11:08 CET
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