I'll start this post off with an apology to all of my close friends who, by all rights, I should be able to confide in with regards to all that I'm about to say here. My situation isn't what I'd call a recent development, but rather what feels like the culmination of a lot of little things that have added up over time.
One such thing is related to my repeated complaints about similar issues over and over, to the point where I worry about exasperating them with the same story day in, day out. Furthermore, I've also heard similar responses to these problems such that I feel I could assume how the conversation will go. I often just run through the discussions I've had in the past in my head, and just conclude that I may as well deal with it and move on.
I'd also like to apologize to my community, which I've neglected for a while now. I've been trying my best to get on top of my work queue and I guess I've just sorta settled into a state where I'm not comfortable engaging with people until I'm back to posting comic pages and taking commissions again.
I think that "shame" is a good way of summing up my feeling about my work and attitude towards my audience recently. Although I'm trying my best to keep a healthy approach with regards to my plans and goals, the longer they persist unfulfilled, the harder it gets to maintain that attitude. However minor they may have been, a slow accumulation of mistakes over the past 4 months or so with how I've conducted myself and done my work has undermined my efforts to remain positive. This has likely had a knock-on effect where I feel like I haven't "earned" or don't "deserve" the time spent on my social media, whether it's Discord or Twitter or whatever else.
I'm aware that there's several people who are following and supporting my work to see the continuation of Happy Campers. I haven't abandoned the project by any means, but the combined apprehension, performance anxiety, and what's effectively turned into guilt for neglecting the project for so long has me struggling to work past the inertia and get moving again. While I know that striving towards resuming the project should be enough, and that I'll get there eventually, the time it's taken me so far has become somewhat burdensome as well. Once again, it's compromised what was originally a positive attitude towards a hiatus originally intended to get me back in control of my ongoing work queue.
I'm not implying, in any way, that you shouldn't want to see more of Happy Campers, nor that I'm being put under an inordinate amount of pressure. The whole idea of starting the comic was that I anticipated there would be a demand for it. If I'm unable to keep up with the demand that I tapped into myself, it only serves as a reflection on me, not my audience. I want to mention that I'm very grateful for how patient everyone's been; I've had very few complaints, if any at all, regarding my hiatus with the comic. The comments I've gotten have been an encouragement more so than nagging in any way.
All I wanted to do with this post was to catch people up a bit with what's been happening on my side. For someone who values transparency so much, I've not done the best job of keeping my fans up to date and for that, I would apologize to you too.
Perhaps on a more positive note, focusing a little on the logistics and planning side of things has helped me get a few important details ironed out with regards to my work environment. While this hasn't really helped me overcome my self-consciousness regarding my less-than-ideal posting schedule, I've at least been setting things up so that I may work a tad more efficiently when the time comes again.
Thanks again for sticking with me, and thanks for reading.
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6 years, 1 month ago
27 Feb 2018 00:51 CET
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