I haven't even looked at SatL since I uploaded the last chunk. I don't know why. A professional accepts no excuses, but there's just something stopping me from even opening up a blank document and trying to sit down to write.
For years I've been able to at least do that - open up a document. Now, all I can think about is trivial things and that's it. I haven't even tried to find a job.
I've realized that I'm telling myself over and over again that it's okay, because I'm secure enough that I won't fall into poverty. I hate myself and I hate my life with a passion, but I don't want to try and end it, no matter how enticing that outcome seems.
I just feel stuck, and every day that passes feels like nothing. It's always night.
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6 years, 2 months ago
13 Feb 2018 03:44 CET
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