I think as I sit down and look at this blank screen to put my thoughts down in.
Do not think that I am going do something self destructive. I love myself too much to consider that stupid action as an option to the problems at hand.It is not worth my life or my health because some furson out there decides to give everyone a rough day. But that does not mean that my body can handle the stress of being pushed so hard emotionally with the blood pressure rising to who knows what point beyond lethal. I need to rest and I will after this post.
We are all gears in a machine many call the universe. Our place within that machine, though seemingly insignificant, plays an important role with other gears in the machine as we all rotate with each other. gear wear out and are replaced with other gears. Some gears break down and are replaced by o0ther gears. But when a gear removes itself from the machine, those about the gear are effected by it. I am about to do just that - remove myself from the machine, like I have before in other areas in the machine and to see the machine break down in those areas and see other gears rush into the aide to try get that area repaired. Most of the time they fail, needing to replace that whole section to get it working again. But I can not be that important, am I?
One individual can not be so influential that they can take down friends and others at the drop of a word. Some people believe that they are. Hence the problem.
This is the time of year most hurtful to me.History: 12/20/83 My newly wed wife goes out to see an ex to complete some paperwork to finalize their break up. She would never return home from that meeting. It was also the Blizzard of '83 and because of that she would not be found until 1/15/84. I would have to raise our girls as a single father, with every Christmas season being a reminder of what had happened to their mother, my wife. They grow up and become successful adults who contribute to their communities, being the solution, not the problems of their communities. A dad could not be prouder or do better than what I did alone.
It is 12/14, soon approaching that dreaded 12/20 - 1/15 date. So called friends making calls about how I am doing without Cathy. Xmas Cards coming in saying how they feel my pain. Friends not wanting to be around be for a beer and burger because they are afraid of saying the wrong thing because in the past they did and today they continue to do so. People who know saying how they know how hard it must be to be a single father raising up girls when they were never in that situation. It is hippocracy at its best, nothing like seeing 2-faced people and hear them say that they know and know what is good for me. This is what I am dealing with.
The logo of one of my consultant companies is of Pinocchio grabbing and pulling at his with one hand and cutting them with a large blade with another. It is a copyright image. But it represents a lot about the company I run and who I am. I want you to think about that image and what it may represent to you because that is how you may see me.
Something happened, and innocent people got blamed for crap they did not do. I stepped in hope to straighten things out. I get cursed at, name called and accused of abuse. I stood up to those accusations but am still being accused and name called. So in their words, they do not want to see me here, there or anywhere - fine. They win. I do not f'ing care. They want to run around in this place, they can have it. This is my decision as to why I am deciding to leave. It would take a miracle for me to return, but return I will. I am just cooling down for now. I need this time to cool down.
But like I stated to that person, I stand alone to face my accuser. She stated that she has "Patreon paying Fans" siding with her. I do not care who they fuck they are. They back her up, it just makes her a larger target to knock down. And I will tell each and everyone of them off - back off or deal with the ugly side of me few people survive after seeing.
I am a squirrel in Fandom because the squirrel is a animal that is immune to venomous attacks. This is true figuratively and literally (those of you who read my medical updates, know this to be true). So let my accuser keep injecting her poison. I can take it and handle it. But like cute squirrels do, I also bite back.
Like I stated, I will not be in the chat on Saturday. This is for them to go there and do the damn right thing as I told them to do. Thing is, any of my my daughters might be, as they should be coming over for the Holy Daze. and if you think I'm bad, they are worst than I am. Like Father, Doubly so with Daughters.
Merry F'ing Xmas Everybody! Enjoy the High Holy Daze!
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6 years, 3 months ago
15 Dec 2017 05:54 CET
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