ive literally been on the verge of being fired or being moved to a day position again more or less since the summer if not the beginning of my night job.
my problems are mainly my OCD, my lack of speed and my frequent clumsiness (i get at least 3-4 cuts on my fingers thru out the weeks and my knuckles dry up and get cut due to me constantly breaking down boxes)
i have been toning down my OCD, letting it do its thing when theres more time in the shift only. my clumsiness is just natural for my hands (they tend to fumble alot so i end up dropping things or things slip from my hands when da cold makes em soft, even with gloves) and lastly and the most killer has been my lack of speed. speed is literally key to me staying in da graveyard but i just dont have much of it. my body da way it is right now is not meant for speed (i kno its a poor excuse given that there are other associates who are chubby and one of em is quite large compared to the rest of us) i started off well but like nearly everything else i do, it never ends well or simply never ends while going downhill... i seriously dont know why...
but if shit hits the fan, i'll only have 2 options at my disposal: 1) i get supported by my "fans" which would and possibly could drive me to do more art related things like ive been wanting to do or 2) i go job hunting again with the possibility of the same thing happening again and with da possibility of a not so kind boss compared to what i have now (i work at a neighborhood walmart but things get pretty bad in da graveyard)
i dont like the day shift cos if gives me no time for anything and when i wanna do something, everyone would be either busy or asleep by da time im home so its no fun. even more so with the rotary schedule cashiers have to deal with... xp there arent many openings at my store for something id be capable of doing with ease and succession (that doesnt involve becoming a manager. and frankly, despite knowing i could rly turn my store around to a more proper working state, if i cant do a simple thing as stocking 40-45 cases an hour per aisle, then im not cut out for managing anything)
ive had many talks with my boss and he jist tells me the same thing every time. but as much as i want to, i just cant.
im not like everybody else. i havent been working long enuff like everybody else. those short winds of luck can only take me so far on da nights they hit.
i admit, im a disappointment to my first, one and only job i've ever had in my life. it simply shows it aint for me. but i cant do much about that when all dat matters is the money that gets made in da long run....
i hate this job. but i need it.
i despise nearly everything about this job. but i need it.
my depression is kicking up again since im twitching my tears away so i dont feel their acidity.
time for some youtube to cheer me up. maybe draw a fantroll for my True Sign
