Didn't get to do it when it was cool, so I'll do it now, nice and quickly. After all, need something to put on this InkBunny account, don't you think?
Now, because I'm impatient, I'm gonna make this a five-day meme and do TWO entries a day. I'll likely plop it on FA too.
Now, here's how it goes.
"Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession"
Now, thanks to sheer boredom, I'm going to do this. Day one is actually going to be challenging, because I can't think of ten people right off the top of my head. Nonetheless this is going to be a biiiig one. Forgive me, but the appeal of this meme is probably the first day. It's going to be almost therapeutic to get this shit off my chest. In short, expect a TOTAL RANTING PERSONAL BITCHING FEST.
Ten things to say to ten different people, and I won't be identifying them, so shush.
1. You're one of the most important people in my life, and the very thought of losing your friendship is painful to endure. The support and advice you've given me has been so critical to maintaining my sanity that I doubt I could ever repay you. What's really sad is I don't know if I've ever really explained to you just how much of an emotional anchor you've been for me. If it weren't for you, I'd've quit writing a long time ago, and maybe quit life too. Sorry to start this meme off with a sappy one, but whatever.
2. I consider myself your friend and I've worried myself sick about you, yet I don't know for sure if you even really like me anymore. I've nearly killed myself and ruined my life trying to help some of my friends, and honestly, there's a limit, especially when I do things for them and the response is utter indifference and ungratefulness. Or worse, completely misconstruing my advice as being mean -- because I'm telling you what you're doing wrong, and you don't want to hear it. At this point, I'm scared for your future, but are you seeing that as concern or, somehow, cruelty? Am I a friend, or just someone you'd rather be done with? You're not doing a very good job of communicating the former option. Sorry.
3. Wow, you need to be brutally bashed, hospitalized and then put on drugs. Oddly enough, I'm probably your BEST friend in the entire fucking world (not that this means you give a damn about me), but that's the point of friends -- we're able to be honest to one another. You've got so many problems, and I'm sick of trying to help you when even the slightest bit of aid is met with god-damn threats and psychotic justification. Ultimately, I know what you're doing. All of this nonsense comes down to trying to build a defense around yourself, trying to smother the simple fact that all of your problems are your own doing and you have the power to fix them -- but it'd take effort. Instead, you blame "god" or "genes" for things that are clearly your own fault.
Trust me, genetics didn't turn you into a fat-ass lard-deity, the incessant fast food, beer and indolence did. You need to be taught your attitude and lack of social aptitude is wrong, and someone needs to force you to fix your obvious mental issues, because the respectful, gentle method is just not working and you're just irritating now. Irritating and arrogant considering your amazing naivete.
4. Yeah, I can respect your intelligence and accomplishments. But you have to remember that these are weighed against you as a person, and frankly, I see through your little game. Seen through you since I was only twelve years old. Your pathetic insecurities give you a need to put me down to secure the affection of others, to make yourself feel better. Yes, you have a degree, but tell me, does that comfort you at night when you know all your friends don't really know you, only the socially appropriate disguise you wear around them? The disguise that keeps them from seeing how much of an insecure, cruel, neurotic bitch you really are? The one that hides the fact that you used to practically beat me around as a kid? That you're a total lunatic? Oh, don't give me excuses. People are the way they are for reasons, but that doesn't let them off the hook. You're out-and-out a bitch, and you need to FIX YOUR PERSONALITY for that to change. Get a grip, you don't need to be like this and it's you that's poisoning our relationship -- I'm the one that desperately wants to be nowhere near you because of your craziness, ever. You think that's MY fault? If you do then you're even better at twisting things to suit yourself than I thought.
Kiss my ass -- you can have the higher GPA, at least my friends know the real me. Someone else does too. Someone whose approval you have, even though she also sees your social deceit and pathetic nature, but you still pine for it like a little insecure, selfish bitch. And that just burns you up inside, doesn't it? God, I love being honest with people. Try it someday. If you practice, you won't drive them away
5. Our relationship is more cordial now than before. Why is that? I really don't know. Perhaps because I'm as big as you are now. But it's going to take a lot, mate. It's going to take a fucking lot to make up for what you did to me as a kid. It doesn't matter that your father was a psycho. All the excuses in the world don't erase the bitterness from being emotionally and physically abused as a child, and putting up with your lunacy until present day. Fuck you.
6. I'm so happy I've been able to offer you some joy, and now, companionship. Albeit the online kind. You're incredibly intelligent and I love you a ton. Thanks for the help, the art and everything else. <3
Also, I wish I could be as good a student as you. Jesus, I could really do with your attitude (and aptitude) right now. Whew.
7. It's strange, but you're almost like a little brother to me already. You're the sweetest kid I've ever met, and it kind of hurts to even think that we might not be able to meet ever again. I don't know, it's all up in the air when it really shouldn't be. I'm sorry. The worst thing, aside from maybe not being able to say goodbye, is not being able to let you know just how much fun I had hanging out with you, and how happy I was just knowing I was making you happy. Pathetic, yes, but it's true. Screw this entire mess. Friends should be able to hang out regardless of age, race or gender. Sigh.
8. You know, you're sweet, but the more I get to know you the more alarmed I am. You indicated you started self harming, but I'm hundreds of miles away. If there's one thing I wish I could make you understand, it's this: all the excuses, all rationalization you've got for your attitude (and certainly your self-harming), it's all BULLSHIT. Stop trying to justify it or defend it, please. This is literally the first barrier, the first step -- you've heard the phrase "the first step to working out a problem is to acknowledge you have one." Burning yourself is a problem. Jesus Christ, please acknowledge that.
9. I'm flattered you think of me like that, but don't go asking me about relationships and such. I frankly have no plans for them right now. I haven't even thought of entering or sustaining a relationship at the moment.
That aside, you're awesome and intelligent (albeit far too quiet in person!) and I wish I could hang out with you more often. To say the least. *cough* Yeah. Pity there's a fucking ocean in the way. Well, we'll see what we can do about that someday.
10. You're a dummy, and I love ya. But you know, same thing again. Don't get your sights set on me too firmly. I'm a lazy, stupid, self-destructive git. Worse, I'm on the other side of the world. I wish I could help you with your troubles, but I'm not doing too good myself.