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prdarkfox

Confession Time

Disclaimer: Barring bouts of Imposter Syndrome from time to time, I have not been living any sort of lie, nor have I told any sort of lie to the lot of you. What I am about to share is somewhat personal to me, and it has taken a good two years to deliberate if I should even share it outside of some close friends of mine.
Most of you know that I have been dealing with the effects of depression for a very long time; the old sprite comic There's Something About Tails was pretty proof of that based on how dark it and the art got. About three years ago, a combination of that, stress, and anger had created something a little different: a sentient voice with her own personality, thoughts and goals.  It would be a proper form of Dissociative Identity Disorder if it weren't for the fact that I still have full control over myself whenever she wants to interject. And occasionally, I do let her speak or type for me.
Or she can just take over outright if I'm that mentally tired. This is rare, however.
I want to say she was accidentally "created" as a sort of last resort safety net to keep me otherwise sane.
I had brought this up because of how little art I'd been producing, how few commissions had been getting checked off. I felt like you all had a right to know what is going on in my noggin.

Look, things have been going quite well on the physical front lately. But I have only been getting worse, barely hanging on. I hope that someday I find proper treatment so I can go about my business as a relatively normal human being one day.
But I am keeping "Rachel." I need every friend close to me as I can get, even on my good days, to remind me who I have.

(For the record, she has claimed the Rachel fursona that I have drawn plenty of.)
Viewed: 53 times
Added: 3 months, 1 week ago
 
EmbertheArtist
3 months, 1 week ago
Fine with me in all honesty
prdarkfox
3 months, 1 week ago
Thank you, I am somewhat afraid of who may not accept what's going on.
EmbertheArtist
3 months, 1 week ago
There will those who will accept you and those who won't
Stumpycoon
3 months, 1 week ago
Thank you for sharing that.
VileFiend
3 months, 1 week ago
Does drawing Rachel work as a sort of therapy or outlet when these moments occur?
prdarkfox
3 months, 1 week ago
Yes. She either doesn't mind or encourages the more gory content of her fursona. Usually because of the character's background.
talon2point0
3 months, 1 week ago
So does the real you have a persona? Or is Rachel the only prdarkfox
talon2point0
3 months, 1 week ago
I'm sorry, my question was poorly informed. I didn't realize Tyra and Rachel were different.

Beyond my herp de derp, I hope you good health and luck.
prdarkfox
3 months, 1 week ago
Thank you very much. Yeah, it doesn't help that they have a vaguely similar color scheme that can very easily be overlooked.
But yeah, Tyra is mine, Rachel's is, uh, Rachel. I think she took the image for herself to make it easier for me to communicate to her.
Kepora
3 months, 1 week ago
As usual, man, you can poke me if you wanna talk!
SpaceCat
3 months, 1 week ago
this kind of thing is actually much more common than people realize. Don't be afraid. Real friends will understand. It's very hard to create sometimes, when stuff like that's going on in the brain. Try to find positive activities that calm your mind. Be well. :)
prdarkfox
3 months, 1 week ago
I'm trying my best, but thank you.
LillyCorthaine
3 months, 1 week ago
Despite this, you have been nothing but an awesome friend to me, as well as many others from what I have seen. You just keep hanging in there.
prdarkfox
3 months, 1 week ago
Thank you very much. :)
Blackraven2
3 months, 1 week ago
Wow. That takes guts to admit that.

Just out of curiosity, have you ever asked Rachel, if she's entirely a child of your own psyche as opposed to having invited a soul into your mind who was just waiting for a chance to share a consciousness with you?

Either way, I think this can both be seen as a curse or a rare blessing - both by you or by others. Some might be quick to see this as a sign of insanity, but whoever does that is giving up an opportunity to learn something :)

She's obviously benign, and she can keep you sane when you're down, so in my opinion, whatever she is (you could approach that question either from a religious, paranormal, psychological, medical or even philosophical aspect) I would cherish her as a rare opportunity that most people never get. A rare friend that you can share the most intimate affairs with and ask for advise when there's no one else to ask.

If there's one suggestion I'd have, ask her if there's places she'd like to visit with you and see through your eyes. Maybe you end up somewhere and see something you'd never have seen otherwise :)

erica
3 months, 1 week ago
mh, i ended up with that too actually. they tend to try and deal with all the transgender bullshit of having to be constantly referred to as male in public. Eliza's got their own possum fursona too, they're a cutie
DestrowTheDragon
3 months ago
thank you for sharing that very personal information will us, i accept you for that well i accpeted you before that and am even more intrigued in you and hope to see more art
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