Motivation

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Someone I follow recently hit a follower milestone, which is awesome! But the fact that this person joined IB after me and had a smaller library than myself when it happened was kinda crushing. So I'm trying to use it as motivation to get back on track. I spent most of the con doing stupid Telegram sticker drawings and not producing anything worthwhile. So tonight, I actually sat down and finished one of my 'in progress' drawings. (I'd kinda forgotten how long it takes me to color stuff...)

I'm really trying to focus. I've been battling a huge wave of depression all day. A long time family friend (and basically second mother to me) passed away over the weekend. Nobody told me because I was at the con... And this morning, my step sister had a bad fall and was stuck in her own bathroom from about 5am to the early afternoon until her daughter found her. They say she might have had a mild heart attack which caused the fall. Combined with the fact I have to go back to work tomorrow and a general feeling of uselessness, yeah... I need to focus on something.

I've lost about five pounds due to stress over the past week alone...

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Added:	6 years, 8 months ago 09 Aug 2017 05:55 CEST

6 Comments on this Journal

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microsoft

6 years, 8 months ago

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I can't wait to see this finished drawing :) Will you upload it tonight?
I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. Maybe drawing can be therapeutic. I know sometimes it works for me.

misterpickleman

6 years, 8 months ago

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@ microsoft

No, I won't be posting it tonight. I want to finish the rest of the "creeper" drawings and post them as one set.

microsoft

6 years, 8 months ago

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@ misterpickleman

Oh, well I'm looking forward to it :)

Gendasi

6 years, 8 months ago

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Depression sucks, Pickle.

People who don't suffer from it really don't get that the little things feel like big things and the big things feel bigger. The really big things? Overwhelming. If you're dealt a bad hand when you're depressed of have depression, it's not just a bad hand. It's the whole, damn game gone south.

I've been riding a steady wave of it since April when my wife's hand got caught in a dough sheeter at work. Since then, my brother (Florida State Trooper) was struck by a vehicle on a traffic stop, I was fired for attempting to do my job (ironically because the owner doesn't like confrontation), my mother had serious back surgery and began a messy divorce process (it's worse than I could have thought), my sister's gotten severely ill twice, one of the family dogs has been poisoned, we've sprung no less than 4 leaks in the roof which insurance won't cover due to its age, and I lost my only reliable mode of transportation. Stuck in the middle of the drama is me, doing my best to keep the world afloat like Spider-Man trying to keep the Staten Island Ferry from splitting in two.

These are just the bullet points.

People without depression have a hard time with these things but those of us with legitimate issues who come across troubling times like these feel less than useless and are often completely non-functional. My suggestion? Find something to immerse yourself in completely.

For me, it's video games and watching recorded episodes of Live PD. If those aren't options, something that takes all of my energy and focus is a wonderful way to get my head on straight again. The dark, ugly little thoughts creep up and get processed along with the rest of whatever's going on. Is this guy hiding something or just nervous about getting a speeding ticket in his mother's car? How far off can I get before the narco soldier derezzes in my scope and I'm aiming by PFM? How much arc do my broadside cannons get while I'm firing into gale-force winds at that frigate? What is the average wind speed of an unladen swallow?

Immerse yourself in something that will stimulate your brain to process the little, creeping doubts and maddeningly bleak thoughts in the background. Sometimes, all you really need is time to "switch off" that part of your brain and let it reboot. Other times, you'll work out or steel yourself to face your problems entirely on a subconscious level.

If you ever need to talk, vent, or whatever, feel free to PM me. Sometimes, it's good just to know someone is able to share your thoughts.

Gendasi

6 years, 8 months ago

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@ Gendasi

As a prime example of working through things via distraction, I'm about to log into my little freebie pirate game on Steam and see if I can knock out the daily challenge before it resets. Then, I plan to move on to Ghost Recon for a bit. I forget the term for working out a problem on a subconscious level, but it works well for me.