As some of you may know, my mom recently got me going to church- despite my reluctance. I can't say I enjoy myself on a sufficient frequency- much the opposite, in fact. Now before I continue, just let me say,that my reluctance is not born of some SJW radical leftist sort of thing. Furthermore, this is not an attack on anyone who does go to church; in fact, I'm actually asking for their help.
First, let me explain. Like many of my hang ups, this can be largely traced back to my School. Whenever they had a function, my principal would close out each event with closing remarks. The problem is that he effectively preached. His favorite thing to do was say that he wasn't going to keep us, then talk for about 15-30 minutes then promising to end soon; you can probably see how that goes. It got REALLY bad for me when I started going through their rights of passage program. Every Wednesday, he preached at us, except the first Wednesday of each month- he only talked to the parents. The problems with this were twofold. While such "sermons" averaged three hours, they have even peaked at five a few times (usually on the Wednesday before Thanksgiving). Secondly, and most importantly, such sermons started at six PM, all with the cycle of unfulfilled promises of brevity. Sure I knew not to put any stock in such promises, but the principle of the thing is what got to me. However, I had a light at the end of the tunnel: my graduation. At the risk, of sounding sounding like an SJW, the closest way I can describe my hangup with that is to liken it to a trigger.
Another factor is my upbringing. In so few words, the best I can describe it was spirituality centered around Christianity. So, yes, while I did go to church as a preschooler, My mom stopped taking me for some reason, and I largely grew up outside of the church, aside from the occasional visit. It also granted me what I feel to be a unique point of view in my family: the outsider looking in. What I saw didn't draw me back in. Oh yes, I prayed to God, and gave thanks and praise when things went right, and when things went wrong (I still gots shelter, food, and internet- WAY better off than countless amounts of people); still do, in fact. I also grew up doing my best living up to one of the few verses I remembered from Sunday School: doing unto others as I'd have them do unto me. Barring a few temper flares I am not entirely proud of, I like to think I did pretty well in that regard. TLDR: I'm not comfortable with going from spiritual to full on religious.
Another issue I have is- surprise- School related. Since I was 9, I was up there every Saturday, thought it started as a half day. However, as I got older, I spent more and more time until I was there from effectively six to six (Well, six thirty to six >__>')! That left me with only one day I had left for me to do whatever, and that was Sunday. Very few of them had anything mandatory for me to attend, and truth be told, I didn't mind losing my sole day to myself so long as it was occasional. So, I grew up holding Sundays as my sacred day of relaxation- especially once I graduated. You could run me here or there, on Saturday, but once that clock struck midnight Sunday morning, forget it.
This brings me to my biggest point of contention: the church itself. Most of you know the city I live in, so imagine that city as a circle. From where I live now, my mom and I drive the radius to go to this church; from where we are looking to move, we'll be driving the flipping diameter! So that's strike one!. The only service that I feel comfortable enough waking up early enough to get dressed and travel out to is the 11'o clock service, thereby halving my day right there. that's their last service so they have a lot more freedom to run late, which have- frequently, complete with promises of brevity. Strike two. Strike three: it can take them about an hour to actually START the sermon. The first hour is filled with gospels from the choir. You know how some singers get overly passionate and sing so loud they're effectively screaming? Yeah that happens far more than I'm comfortable with.
Here is where I am at. My mom seems to understand that I'm not completely into church, but made me promise to find one, if the one we go to isn't for me- it's not. My only option is to find a Baptist church close enough where I can make an earlier service and and still sleep in, which I plan to do when we move. She doesn't seem to like the idea of me regularly streaming the service- I'm should be going to church so long as I am physically capable, she says. That being said, she won't fuss if I opt out of going with her so long as it isn't too often.
So, here is where I need the help of any churchgoer who comes across this. How do you think I should take this?
