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RikMcCloud

Two Years

I've woken up this morning feeling very run down. My mood dipped and when my family left the house, I burst into tears. All this time I was thinking why am I feeling like this? I shouldn't be because this week was a big step in the right direction.

For those who know me, you will remember that I have not been having the best time with my work place. I won't identify the profession I work in or name any companies or people. A lack of support, heavy reliance on me to do things because no one else knew or bothered to find out, a struggle to get answers when I needed them and when I did get them, they were never satisfactory and I would be asked to do it again, reaching out for help higher up and that help was barely acted upon all mixing in with a nagging sensation that I never fit in and with that led to loneliness. And that isn't everything.

But let's go back to the start to clarify all this. Two years ago, I was moved from one position into another in another part of the company. I was told it was because it would be a better move for me in that I was unhappy, which I was, but I have always felt there were other motives behind it. I was aware at the time there were a number of staff swaps and general restructuring at that part of the company was occurring so I honestly feel that was the main cause but it's never been confirmed. Not that it matters now.

I was kept hanging on and on for weeks until eventually I was told, "You're moving tomorrow." I got to the new site and was greeted with confusion as to what was going on. Nothing had been prepared for me. Hell, I don't even think they were expecting me to arrive. Immediately, warning bells were sounding in my head.

Eventually the role was worked out but further red flags appeared when the only firm promise that was made to me involving my salary was broken. I made sure this was fixed as promptly as possible, which it was and I got on with the job.

Compared to what I had been doing before, it felt menial. I grew tired of the constant thankless tasks. I got irritated with trying to organise the unorganised. There was hardly any job satisfaction there and before a year had passed, I was desperate to get out. An opportunity arose on that site that was similar to what I did before.

I put forward my interest in it and I got the role. I felt the step down I had taken was now rectified and I could keep going up with a career. Only that didn't happen. The manager I was now under only seemed interested in making sure things ticked over and whilst a few pieces of training were arranged, it was more to keep him out of trouble than to progress me forward. There had been misunderstandings in what one party expected of the other I was told.

I did what I could but when I was working 50 hours a week (including the breaks I wasn't paid for and was unable to take), never given proper praise or rewards for things that had been done well, scolded for tasks not done and asked to give up more of my free time to do things to catch up along with everything in one of the earlier paragraphs, I sank lower than I ever had done before.

My hands and feet had previously started showing signs of eczema but it got much worse. Friends noticed my character had changed. I worried that if I was not seen working in the department, the management would think I wasn't being effective with the time.

The manager who hired me left and another with basically no experience of my role came in. There was barely any effort made at a working connection and things went into free fall. I felt trapped, ignored and then, one day after a week away and I had a mountain of backlog that was urgently required to be finished, I broke. Months of stress and anxiety along with empty promises, lack of clarity and absolutely no support poured out in a flood of tears. The dam had been breaking but this was the moment it burst.

My friends outside of work had been the lifeline I needed in order to keep any form of sanity and were incredibly supportive. I cannot thank them enough for what they did for me during this time. One of them helped me get an interview at his work place. I succeeded in going through to a second interview but was not chosen for the role due to an aspect I had no control over. Others offered advice, chances to meet people but then something slightly unexpected happened.

My old manager had been made aware of everything that had happened and due to some changes in their department, they offered me a chance to go back to where I started. Back at the original site and the original role under them with finer details that made it a no brainer.

Unlike the move before, this one happened within a week and I started back on Wednesday. The relief of not having the stress anymore has been immediate. My hands and feet are healing now but my body is still adjusting to no longer having the huge weight on my shoulders anymore.

I was due to go out today but I needed to do this. I needed to make sense of the last two years and to give myself a chance to fully push the reset button. To those who have supported me, thank you once again.

This isn't the end and I am going to work on getting some more contacts in place in case things don't work out here. To be honest, having being here before and knowing the people, I am more prepared and even during the worst days, they were nowhere near as bad as what I have had to deal with, particularly during the last year.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.
Viewed: 30 times
Added: 6 years, 8 months ago
 
SnapInABox
6 years, 8 months ago
Really glad to hear that things have started turning around for you. =) When I was able to get into a chat with you, it definitely sounded like you were a bit more down than you used to be, but I had no idea it was as bad as it was. I really do hope things continue to get better for you, though, and hopefully you can enjoy what you're doing a little more as well.
XZeddX
6 years, 8 months ago
Wish you the best for you Rik bud
wolfespada
6 years, 8 months ago
*hugs you* ^^
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