Its buzzing through the air like a swarm of pissed off bees and making more gossip than a bunch of drag queens in a dressing room- the end of the world! According to all the soothsayers and crystal ball gazing Trelawneys (Harry Potter pun XD), some cosmic event is going to happen this year that will cause the world as we know it to end, and that a stone calender left by the Maya gives us the exact date of when this will all take place. So now we have swarms of people running around like chickens with their heads cut off trying to prepare for this event, and religious holy rollers foaming at the mouth and saying they are going to be spared because their entire faith is going to pull a massive disappearing act that would make David Copperfield shit his pants and laugh their asses off while everyone else suffers for their "sins".
All of this is bugging me to the where I have now gotten out my massive Mallet of Idiot Skull Bashing, and I am ready to slam it down on some heads.
Lets start off with this whole "cosmic event" thing for a moment. What it could be is anyone's guess. Because some say its going to be a perfect planetary alignment, that a comet will come crashing down on our heads, or that the fiery gates of Hell will bust open and Satan's horde of hung and horny demons will ass rape everyone until boiling red hot demon jizz is shooting out their eye sockets. And everyone who follows the stuff said by the Mayans says a perfect alignment of the Milky Way with our Eastern horizon and our sun lining up with the black hole in the galaxy's center will cause a massive flood that will wash everything away. I for one don't really buy into this because of one simple thing- if the Mayans were so advanced that they could see the future and build a city that looks like a map of the solar system from above, then why aren't they here?! How come they were this advanced, yet couldn't keep their race from dying off and their cities from becoming Meccas for Stargate nerds? If they weren't smart enough to save themselves from becoming extinct, then perhaps the calender they left behind shouldn't be taken so literately.
Now onto the Trelawneys, those people that gaze into crystal balls and read palms to tell the future. These people are a load of shit. Anyone can say or write down some cryptic phrase that foretells an event in the future, however it is all just words until something happens and people start making connections. Hell I can sit here and say "Soon Dragoneer shall divorce Sciggles and take on a twelve year old boy as a love slave, fully fix all of Fur Affinity's problems; and welcome back everyone who has been banned from the site with open arms. All of this shall usher in a golden age of brotherhood among the people of the Fur.", but until something like this happens and people are shitting their pants because they start making connections and proclaiming me a prophet; every word that I let fly from my yap is just a bunch of garbage.
If something really does happen this year that wipes us all out, we can say that you told me so and gang bang me in the afterlife. However if this year goes by like any other year (which it will) and we all say hello to 2013, then I will wave around my mallet and hammer heads flatter than Cher's vocal range. Have a pleasant year.
6 years, 10 months ago
14 Jan 2012 14:28 CET