Yeah, for some stupid reason, it has random spasms where when I log in, as soon as I click the text box, Skype crashes completely. It's rather infuriating.
...for the most part.
JUST before that issue, I was intending on posting a journal to you guys to something of this effect:
I just haven't been feeling very...talkative lately. I wanna be social, but my heart doesn't really feel into it for the time being. It's nobody's fault and I'm not depressed/sad, I don't think. Either way though, yeah, I'm just not feeling too...up on the whole talking thing. I really pray this is a short stint. I don't want this to last, I want to be out there again. Feel like I'm still part of the community, and feel that I'm actually able to be interesting, and hold people's interest, and hold conversations again. That's something I seem no longer to be able to just be good at anymore. Who knows, maybe because...yeah I'm a good friend to many, I love my friends and they love me, but part of my heart, I feel like to many, I'm like a 2nd string friend. Yeah, cool to talk to from time to time, but not entirely cool enough to wanna invite to functions or really take the time to hang out with, for some reason or another. And even if this isn't the case, that's what it feels like.
All I know is that I want 2012 to be different. I want to be able to be totally available on Skype. I want to be fully available on MSN, AIM, and YIM. And despite it being as easy as a few installs and a couple clicks, and a bit of typing on my part, my heart simply is NOT into doing that right now and hasn't been in quite a while. So if anything, after all this rambling, I feel that whole '2nd string friend' feeling is pretty much entirely my fault. So it's kinda an annoying, vicious cycle.
Either way, I can't wait til this is over, wait til this is fixed, and can't wait til I have my own laptop so I can go back to being the old, social me. I miss you guys, and I miss me, too.
7 years, 6 months ago
08 Jan 2012 01:00 CET