So Christmas has come and gone and a new year is underway XP. Before Christmas we found out my grandma on my mothers' side is dying from pleural mesothelioma, a terminal cancer caused by exposure to asbestos. Not exactly great news but I've been through that much shit in my life that I've come to the realisation that you can either let everything send you to rock bottom and wallow in despair or you can take the opportunity to test your mettle against whatever shite life happens to throw at you. Grief always comes when shit hits the fan but it's a friend rather than an enemy, it's a process that leads to strength and recovery if you follow it through.
I'm not going to resign myself to romanticizing about my own misery or act like the world is a sack of shit. I'll qualify that previous statement first. There is an element of perverse enjoyment, or rather comfort, in resigning oneself to defeat and thinking about how hard done by you are. There's a reason it can be very difficult to turn aside from feeling awful and I personally think it has something to do with how strangely good it feels to be unfortunate. You can think to yourself about how bad you've got it compared to others and feel a bit special in that regard, but the romantic obsession with tragedy can only stretch so far.
My view is that when shit starts flying it's best to assign oneself a role to play in the proceedings, whatever that may be. I tend to assign myself the role of being a rock for others, to be strong and overcome my pain so that those around me can see someone who hasn't lost their fucking mind. Such a role has helped me rationalise and block my own negative feelings and just get on with it. So that's what I'll do again XP. I just want to keep drawing furry art and take each day as it comes. I might be going back to university again, this time taking a degree more suited to my preferences instead of having to do essays and group projects en masse. I'll probably be going into psychiatric nursing, not really for a definate career, because I haven't made my mind up about that yet, but to at least pursue it academically and to experience what it entails.
But yes, anyway, that was long-winded XP. I'll be opening up for commissions again soon and restarting my livestreams, so if you want to buy art from me opportunities approacheth. We'll see what 2012 brings XP.
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12 years, 3 months ago
05 Jan 2012 18:49 CET
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