So I'm back, more or less. Still got a lot of things I need to fix in my life, but I'll be working on those. Never went to a hospital, although I really felt like I was losing my mind that night (yay). I've come to realize that the net behavior had replaced what I think of as "normal human behavior" in other people. Some people just love to let you know all the supposed best details of their life whether it's real or fiction. Having no life, of course I'm going to feel like shit. Spending too much time on the net, the people I surround myself with kind of "become" reality, and that reality sucks sometimes. Perscription : stop talking to such people and rebuild life.
I used to think talking to people that share my some of my fetishes would be great, but it's not. It's actually worse in some ways. Talking with an online friend that was more or less normal reminded me of when I used to have friends IRL. It was a good feeling. Emotional stability and a healthy personality are like extremely important compared to wanking material buddies. I wish I would have put those qualities first when I started this (being a furry artist) . But you know, it's easy to want acceptance for something you feel ashamed of or afraid to admit to "normal" people. Wanting that acceptance....can drive a guy to some very lonely and crazy places. I used to think my fetishes make me unlikable...or too wierd..or crazy etc.
It's funny now, because while everybody was busy building an identity based on what they poke their pork into, I was just busy just liking whatever happened to come from my imagination. Sound familiar? Oh snap! Must be a furry! Yeah, that likely means I'm like a half crazed weasel when it comes to sex lol! No, that doesn't mean I screw everything in sight. Prostitutes are gross and demeaning ....won't touch that. Guys...ehhh...very picky. Girls, a lot less picky. I read something about "eastern" sexuality once where sexual acts were just something you do, and didn't define you as a person. Nice idea huh?
So, yes, I miss having a normal life. Gonna try to get some semblance of it back. Maybe put less distance between what I want and what is.
6 years, 10 months ago
02 Jan 2012 10:08 CET