Burfday

Oh come on, we all spelled it like that once.

I turn 29 today.

One year shy of 30, I have found myself looking back constantly on how much I've grown and how much my life has been a maniacal rollercoaster with it's ups and downs. As I do, I cling to the hopeful truth of what I was once told.

'Don't worry, your thirties will be better than your twenties...which were better than your teens."

I hope so. It's been pretty rough at times these last nine years. Here are my hopes for the coming year and coming decade:
I hope I can live long enough to find out and maybe really solidify what I'm here to do outside be the loving companion to my friends and family.

I hope to do more reviewing and more discussion of what makes things great in life rather than whine and rowl about what makes things crap in life.

I intend to get my life more and more on a level keel again.

I eventually want to stop smoking again, this time for good. No promises there, however.

I want to remember how to stop fearing going to sleep because the military told me that being asleep only makes you more vulnerable to someone taking pride in inflicting hurt on you in one fashion or another.

I want to learn to play my bass guitar and to be better at it than I thought I would be.

I want to challenge my views. Not all at once, however.

I would like to go to Disneyland with Alfie. Just us two. Someday.

I would like to show how possible it is to be quietly gay and for that to be okay with those who think that being proud means screaming it in everyone else's face, whether the everyone else wanted them to or not.

Actually, the same thing goes for furriness, too.

I will try to stop being a condescending prick at times. That one'll be rough.

Finally...I continue to hope and hope and hope that all of this effort and toil isn't for nothing. That when I end (hopefully not for a good long while) I'll be rewarded in an afterlife of one fashion or another with anything and everything I could ever hope for, no matter the limit of possibility.

Because I really want to blow my foxy to pieces and have it be fun. :3

Back to the main event.

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Added:	12 years, 4 months ago 24 Dec 2011 10:42 CET

9 Comments on this Journal

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AlexReynard

12 years, 4 months ago

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The bit about blowing Alfie up = tee hee adorable. ^__^

Also, the military really said that about sleep? What the FUCK?

Also, if you get good on the bass, I totally wanna hear you do Seven Nation Army. :)

Also, I suppose you can consider my pimping of OverCrit to be your present. Either that or longswedishzephon. ;)

Dragon6

12 years, 4 months ago

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@ AlexReynard

I can back up that bit about the military. They have an odd way of fucking with you when you least expect it.

ZephonTsol

12 years, 4 months ago

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@ AlexReynard

They didn't say it. Didn't really have to.

Imagine if you will being in my shoes. A day filled with constant low-grade terror. They call it 'pushing you to perform better', but really, you're terrified that the slightest thing will set off the hair-trigger of the nearest drill sergeant. Anything can do it and it's somehow worse when it's something small and insignificant...and you spend 5-10 minutes pounding your face into the pavement for it.

Bad enough on it's own. Now imagine it's nearing the end of your first week in basic. And it's the middle of the night. You're awoken by a screaming drill sergeant who demands that every last person with functioning legs form up downstairs. And then you start pushing. And pushing. And pushing. Why?

He's cranky because a legitimate thing woke him up from his beauty rest at night watch. Want that simplified? Something YOU had no control over or affect on because YOU were sound asleep (or trying to be) happened and now he will punish YOU for it instead of the offender.

You will never ever sleep soundly again. It's been nearly six years. I have some sound nights, sure...but usually, I'm either sick or medicated beyond brain function. And when you sleep deep...you dream. And what dreams may come? Good ones, yes.

But the nightmares...well.

I'm waxing poetic now because I really should be asleep. But that's what I meant...and I would give nearly anything in the world to just be assured I'll never ever have those nightmares again nor will I have to go to bed scared to fall asleep.

AlexReynard

12 years, 4 months ago

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@ ZephonTsol

>They call it 'pushing you to perform better', but really, you're terrified that the slightest thing will set off the hair-trigger of the nearest drill sergeant. Anything can do it and it's somehow worse when it's something small and insignificant...and you spend 5-10 minutes pounding your face into the pavement for it.

Yep, sounds like classic cult behavior to me. Keep the subject constantly disoriented and in fear so they're easier to manipulate. :/

>Something YOU had no control over or affect on because YOU were sound asleep (or trying to be) happened and now he will punish YOU for it instead of the offender.

I'd spit on that man's feet. If there's one thing I work brutally hard at eradicating from myself, and am ashamed of every time I commit it anyway, it's letting my own anger spill over onto innocent people. Someone who does that doesn't have the self-control to deserve ANY kind of leadership role.

>I'm waxing poetic now because I really should be asleep. But that's what I meant...and I would give nearly anything in the world to just be assured I'll never ever have those nightmares again nor will I have to go to bed scared to fall asleep.

<whimper> I'd do anything to give you a magic sleep-well spell, amigo. :)

Also, how's your guitar?

Dragon6

12 years, 4 months ago

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Happy Birthday Man and hope you have a great year.

Shuyo

12 years, 4 months ago

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Happy vaginal escape day.

Apparently you celebrate your teens with alcohol, your twenties with drugs, and your thirties with food. Just what I've heard.