The family is not taking the message I told them well at all and has greeted me with yelling making an argument that if you call a cup a broom it still serves the same purpose. However, I stated over and over again that more than names or outward appearance, I desire most to be treated as my true personality which is gentle, but is often stomped upon by how they treat males.
They believe I am being lazy, and don't want to help with heavy lifting. It is true that I don't want my back thrown out of alignment again, or my finger broken again, or to collapse in absolute misery after being over exerted and emotionally stressed out from being yelled at for four hours again. I would be more apt to believe that this is less being inconsiderate toward a male and just the forgivable actions of a fool of a father with an upbringing of never being loved by his father, if he would have ever asked his daughter to do the same.
Unlike my usual self, I did not become enraged, but kept a rather positive and interactive attitude toward them. Hopefully, I proved to my body's father that I am not lazy when I volunteered to help move things around in the storage room. As I said, I remained rather interactive with them for the rest of the day helping them to get started with the Rosetta Stone. Crazy thing BTW, originally, each member of the family was going to do a different language: German, Irish, and Spanish, but then after discussing it over lunch, they all chose to pursue Spanish.
It would seem that by telling them who I really am whether they believe it or not has lifted a great weight off of me, and although there has been some times of intense emotion, I have found myself recovering from low spirits faster than ever. It is my intention to continue pushing toward gender therapy even though I must admit I am no longer sure what I desire for the appearance of this shell. As an affirmation, I would like to say that whether in the best of moods or the worse I would still rather this body die as soon as possible so that I may return to what I am supposed to be.
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12 years, 4 months ago
11 Dec 2011 19:08 CET
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