Is the past ever really gone? I mean, we learn from it and all, we grow because of it, and then...
Well, we move on. Or try to. For some of us, there's a couple of barbed fish-hooks that stick into our backs every so often, until eventually I'm pulling this big boulder around with a lot of barbed fish-hooks and some fishing line. It's kinda painful, really, but I won't go into all of that. Suffice to say that by now I've discovered that the past is never really passed, and mine isn't really a boulder; it took the spontaneous cracks for me to realize that it's hatching into a monster. No, it's not like Kefka; rather, it's more similar to Exdeath, that amalgamated mishmash of diabolic souls sealed in a tree (kinda like Hexxus, but with less Tim Curry and more obsession with THE VOID).
Thus, I remember the past - the painful parts, mostly, because that's what keeps jerking the muscles and flesh in my back. Kinda hard to remember anything else half the time, because every good memory twangs the cord of an old painful one, and then they tend to harmonize. (Probably around a B-sharp, if you want to know the key.) Then the boulder/egg/monster reels me back, holds me close, tells me how stupid it is to cry and that I'll always have him/her/it around so I'm never alone, and I let it envelop me for a while. I emerge again, try to take a few more steps, and the thing (whatever it is) pulls me back yet again.
I'm getting sick of this ride; where's my stop? You mean this isn't a bus...? God damn it. Where'd I put the B-sharp...
Anyway. That's the "time remembered" part of this whole shenanigan. (Can there only be one shenanigan, or is it a forced plural?) Time forgotten? Well... nah, that can be figured out at a later time, I suppose. I think Freya Crescent had it right when she said "To be forgotten is worse than death", but yeah, that's about all that needs to be said. I still remember, and it still hurts, but for every hook in my body I know I've inflicted one - whether it's the cause (I hurt them, now I'm being hurt) or the effect (Fuck with me, will ya? Take this, you fucking Tonberry!), I give as good as I get and vice versa. Skilled as I am with slinging blades, though, more often than not I want to be able to pull them back.
The gods never saw fit to give me skill with healing hands, however. Even my words are as blades to those I wish to heal. Gee, thanks a lot, divine powers that be. Midas could touch things and turn them to gold; I type things into blood! How Halloweenish of me! Perhaps I'm better off dead to those I want to remind of my existence; however, plague that I am, I continue to haunt where I am least wanted. Thus, when I discovered the name (REDACTED) and it struck a chord... well, a little digging and I found the connection I had always known was there, and gave (REDACTED)'s hook a nice, clockwise twist, digging it nicely into a spiritual vertebra.
I am stuck in a life that has since passed me by. I want to go back and cut away each of these regrets, but I continue to stand in my own way, and the only person I have ever disobeyed is myself; telling me to get out of my way is about as effective as telling Kefka Palazzo to preserve something. (Spellgasm!)
Okay, fuck that shit. Time for something marginally more interesting and much less angsty!
While we're on the theme of time, let me mention Ultimecia here - specifically for comparative purposes, really. Where she compressed time, I am compressing my worlds. Nobody here will know what the hell I'm talking about, but I usually write these things for myself, so you readers who have actually read this far through the gremlin-laced shards of my previous emotive crystal (Yes, little manticorish gremlins in oversized fireman suits.) will now have the unsavory pleasure of trying to piece together what it is I'm trying to tell you, assuming you continue to scourge yourself on all this written confusion.
ANYWAY. Compressing my worlds now.
I used to have everything of mine spread out across no fewer than four solar systems; I am now undertaking the monumental task of turning all of this into a single world. Needless to say, there is a lot of excising being conducted, though much of the important stuff remains; Trinaliax and Bisoida are still at war, elves versus anthros squaring off on two different nations rather than two different planets. The rebicoyl are now those elves and elfkin, while Sorindia has become the Oreo filling of anthros between an elven country and a human one. There is a third continent, but while I do know at least one country of anthros (Varekai by name), the rest of the continent is a mystery. It'll come to me, though. Yes... all in good time...
*ahem* Moving on. Also on my project list has been the codification of magic, its methods, and celestial and terrestrial effects thereon.
...Does anybody else hear crickets chirping? Oh well. You've always been a good listener, wall!
What I mean by all of that mumbo-jumbo is how magic works and how the land and stars affect it. For example, it is easier to utilize animistic magic in a forest, while an island is best for thaumaturgy; if the sign of the Triskele is ascendant, compulsion spells are stronger. Things like that. There are six classes of magic (Animism, Elementalism, Maleficism, Mesmerism, Thaumaturgy, Theurgy), five types of spells (Abjuration, Alteration, Conjuration, Divination, Evocation), and four advanced methods of casting (Blood, Chaos, Rune, Song). Between all of these, it is easy to understand that I have a fetish for magic and it will be a big thing in my world. Oh yes.
Does anybody even understand just how much math and planning and understanding goes into arranging the heavens and the firmament and magic itself?! At least I understand it...
I'm working also on an RPG system, as I am wont to do; this time, however, I am programming a random character generator in Visual Basic that will allow me to craft NPCs at the click of a button! Those of you... no, not you two, YOU two, the white tigers in the back - no, not you, those two next to you, there! Yeah, you! And you! ANYWAY... those of you familiar with my previous foray into Visual Basic will know of my RanDomGen. This is an advanced version of the same, which will allow for characters of any moral/ethical or sexual alignment to be made, and will also record levels of skill in various activities.
I have a lot of work ahead of me on that, but... well, it's something I want to do.
I think that about covers it for tonight. For those of you who have read this far, thanks for reading. And for the love of ice cream, get something for those cuts on your backs. I'm not responsible for you picking up this lash of letters, dipping it in angsty acids, and proceeding to scourge your sacrospinalis with it.
Good night, folks. If you're that into self-e-flagellation, I'll have another one of these babies ready in a few months, yours for only $99.95.