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SS250 Rants: Vampires

Welcome to another whenever-I-feel like it journal, where I'll rant about whatever geeky subject comes to mind and give my opinions on it... both positive and negative.  Today's subject, considering it is Halloween...  Is Vampires.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  Once the greatest of the horror monsters, now the lamest things in existence.  When was the last time that a vampire was legitimately scary?  When was the last time someone took the CONCEPT of a vampire seriously?

Let's go back...  WAY back to when bloodsuckers were scary....  The original idea of a vampire is a corpse... a ROTTING corpse that rises up and drinks people's blood to sustain itself.  It has vast powers, and can only be killed by being pinned down through the heart with a stake, then decapitated.  Anyone who is bit by a vamp becomes one, and vamps have the power to control minds and turn people into thralls.

Over time, the myth changed into the stake being the thing that kills a vamp.  Slightly less scary, but when you consider that the vamps were still insanely powerful, it didn't diminish from the fear-factor.

Then came the 80s and 90s... and people came to the EXTREMELY weird conclusion that getting the blood forcibly sucked out of your body is "erotic."  ...Which I guarantee you it would NOT be.  THAT was the beginning of the end for the vampire.  They'd already been on a long and steady decline, but tragically THIS was the (pardon the pun) final nail in the coffin.

After that point, the vampire no longer was a rotting ghoul.  It now was club-goers and ravers who indulged in sex while drinking you dry.  They were pretty boys and sexy girls who used sexual allure to drag victims to their death.

Then... came Twilight.  Stephanie Meyer admitted she never did even a HINT of research on vamps in her story.  It killed the vampire forever.  No longer the scary, pure-evil ghouls of old, now the vampire is a whiny, SPARKLING, emo jerk.  And sadly, they will never recover from this.

I think it is time to stop using vampires in horror.  They have gotten too caught up in the baggage that has been piled on them over the decades.  They have been romanticized too much, to the point that they cannot be taken seriously.  Luckily, the ZOMBIE is still scary.  There's nothing you can do to make a cannibalistic rotting corpse romantic.

Now, for examples of vampires done RIGHT...  Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel by Joss Whedon is the vampire done perfectly.  For one thing, they're not just corpses, but they're corpses animated by a demon.  The REAL person is dead when they're turned into a vamp.  A monster is all that's left.  They're pure evil with NO exceptions.  The only "good" vamps are those that have gotten their souls back, namely Angel and Spike.  There are no vampire nightclubs...  No "erotic" vamps...  they're monsters through and through.  

The Blade series of movies based on the comic by Marvel is another example of well-done vampires... but sadly they also fall victim to the "erotic vampire" trope... So I can't rate them as highly as Buffy.

Finally 30 Days of Night is actually even MORE perfect than Buffy's vamps.  The vamps in this are completely inhuman, with streamlined faces and black eyes and a mouthful of sharp teeth...  They look like sharks more than anything.  There's nothing erotic or sparkly about THESE vamps.  There's a scene where they systematically slaughter an entire town with nothing but their bare hands and teeth.  They're bulletproof, and possibly even stake-proof, and the only way to kill them is through decapitation or sunlight.  Too bad they showed up in Barrow, Alaska, the northernmost town in America, during the longest night of the year....

In conclusion, all I have left to say is that in general, vampires don't just suck... they blow.
Viewed: 37 times
Added: 7 years, 8 months ago
7 years, 8 months ago
Sucking and blowing: Vampires proving physics wrong o.o
7 years, 8 months ago
It's MegaMaid, she's gone from suck to blow!
7 years, 8 months ago
Yes! xD
7 years, 8 months ago
Well get her sucking again!
7 years, 8 months ago
Well, they did at least beat zombies in Deadliest Warriors season 3 finale, so they got that going for them at least (should note that they used the 30 Days of Night vampires as a template for that episode because the guy who wrote the comic served as a consultant for them).
7 years, 8 months ago
Seriously. Those damn twilight vamps give vampires a bad name. I just wanna steak them all. I miss the days of bloodsuckers that shunned the light or they turn to ash. Oh how the mighty have fallen in slue of those damn sparkly bastards.
7 years, 8 months ago
Vampires by their defining features should be very territorial and for the most part singular. They  have to be "people farmers" to some extent, ensuring they don't run out of their crop. If they have to feed often, and that feeding kills the host, they can't have 50 vampires in one area dancing to bad music. By their position in the food chain and their view of the limited nature of human life would likely not feel the need to socialize/mate, and if they did it would likely be turning one person they found exceptional into a vampire as a lover. Which would probably cause a problem eventually if that relationship didn't work out it would likely end with the person turned into a vampire being killed, and I think ofter making that mistake a few times any vampire would likely consider the loneliness attached to immortality preferable to having to kill your loved one when you get bored with them.

Vampire groups/nightclubs/whatever would be like overfishing a lake. even a small group of vampires in one area would too quickly lead to a decline in the human population, and unless they are all new vampires, you would think  their actual age would put them off acting like children. And the wisdom that comes with that age would give them insight into the problems overfeeding causes.

Although I do understand the seductive, erotic vampire. To me it always appeared as just a tool for hunting. You go out mix your unaging good looks with a little bit of that vampire hypnosis/mind control, let's go back to my place, and bam, there's dinner, with a lot less struggling.

I can also see why people can become attracted to the idea of vampires due to what I said earlier. Some 14 year old girl reads some vampire romance novel and she could think "oh but I'd be different, I wouldn't be prey, he'd turn me into a vampire and we'd never die, we'd be together forever and have hot unaging vampire smex *swoon*"
7 years, 8 months ago
Crossposted from FA:
The thing about Vampires, is that they've always been a metaphor for disease. The original medieval Vampires were the Black Plague personified, represented by corpses and rats. They were corpses who fed on the living, spreading sickness and death as they went.

The Gothic era of Vampire stories came about just as Industrialization caused a rise in deaths caused by Tuberculosis. As one of the symptoms of Tuberculosis is a pallor that some people of the time found fashionable, this lead to a disturbing fetishization of the disease. So when the vampire myth was updated from Bubonic Plague to Turberculosis, this led to the vampire going from a horrid, corpse-like monster to a more sexualized pallid figure. Added to that was that most of the era's stories treated vampires as monsters hidden in plain sight, who walked among people and infiltrated the ranks of polite society to feed on it's members unstopped.

Finally, after decades of living in Dracula's shadow, the vampire myth got reinvented in the late 80s/early 90s, coincidentally just as ANOTHER new plague arose: AIDS, which happens to be deeply linked to blood sharing. The sexualization of the vampire became absolute, as the vampire morphed into a literal sexual predator, his feeding habits now having shades of rape symbolism.

Honestly, I think the vampire can be a scary monster again. We just need to move away from the "Super-powered Beasty with Awesome Powers" angle a bit, and focus more on the idea that a vampire is a predator that feeds on people, yet is indistinguishable from them until he bites you. The movie Fright Night (both original and remake) actually work off this theme, with the vampire being an innocent-looking suburbanite secretly praying on innocent people near Las Vegas, a city where nobody blinks twice at someone who works nights and sleep days. That's the angle more Vampire stories need to exploit: not the the idea that some fang-faced freak might jump at you from a dark alley, but the idea the guy living next door to you, who's actually rather nice and charming when you talk to him, and actually helped bring in your groceries last evening, is actually a fang-faced freak who'd just as likely bite your throat open to suck out your blood.
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