Gee, after joining this place a year and two months ago, I still haven't posted a single journal! Well that all changes now, with-
FRISK E. COYOTE'S VERY FIRST JOURNAL!!
[Fireworks and totally awesome music pending]
I suppose I should begin by introducing myself! I am Dr. Friskernello Eddarömphallus Coyote, PhD. But you can call me Frisk! I have a doctorate in Cartoon Physics, so you can toootally trust me to not think weird things when I'm inside you and you're heavily sedated! And by sedated I DON'T mean "unconscious due to blunt, cranial trauma" *pats cartoon over-sized mallet*, at least not all the time.
Chronologically, I'm five and a half years old, but I'm an adult in Toontime, so don't you dare treat me like a cub! I don't like it, really, I don't! *Brandishes a lego sword at the reader threateningly* I also don't like roadrunners! Roadrunners are mean bullies who won't let you catch them, and being a Toonyote means you HAVE to chase one! My roadrunner's name is Wreck Runner and we went to the Tooniversity together. Ah, good times, good times. I hated Tooniversity with every ink-drop of my being!
What I DO like though are hugs! I love hugs! Hugs are awesome! Your hugs make Frisk E. strong! Cuddles are like tenfold hugs and keep Frisk E. warm during winter! You don't want your fuzzy new friend to shiver and sadface you till you hate yourself, don't you? Then please donate your cuddles! *Plonks a bucket labeled "CUDDLEZ" in childlike script, written in crayons, before climbing snugly into the bucket and settling in nicely*
How about my favorite TV shows you say? This may be biased- or painfully obvious- but I love cartoons! Cartoons are hilarious, but being hilarious doesn't have to be all a toon is good for! Some of them make me cry! Meanwhile, on the internet, where all the toons seem have a second home, I've discovered memes! I have no idea what these things are, but the internet spellchecker puts a jagged red line beneath the word "toon", but not under "meme", and boy was I pleasantly surprised! Memes are hilarious! If only there was a way they can combine cartoons and memes and-
...Oh... Oh my Draft. YES.
*Clears throat* ANYWAY, this is the section where I answer questions! There have been many questions asked of me by friends and strangers alike who are curious about us toons! Most frequently are:
Shave and a haircut?
PfffFFT- TWO BITS!! *Facepaw* Gets me every single time!
Are you male or female?
That's a silly question! I'm obviously a coyote!
If you have enough money to keep buying faulty products from Acme, why don't you just buy yourself a meal?
It's a little known fact that us Toonyotes don't actually chase roadrunners for food. Roadrunners are bony and scrawny and aren't exactly the best tasting bird out there. I prefer duck myself! Especially when it's Chinese takeout. You see, we're paired up at a young age, sometimes as early as the moment the stork delivers us to our parents. Coyotes without the "E." can choose to have nothing to do with their roadrunners, but coyotes WITH the initial E. have no choice but to stick with them.
It's not always a chase. As long as roadrunners keep giving us grief, we're good. You see, we do these things to ourselves despite knowing we'll always end up hurt or humiliated, sometimes even both, because we know you think it's funny. Uncle Wile E. for example, caught his roadrunner once, and nearly lost his job.
Why do coyotes always buy from Acme? The products always seem to backfire or malfunction in one way or another!
Firstly, Acme products are AMAZING. The Acme corporation delivers anywhere as long as there is a mailbox, and they sell what can only be described as EVERYTHING. Where else can I have a 150,000 ton anvil, rocket skates, a bungee cord, roller coaster rails and white paint delivered to me under five seconds flat all at the same time?
Second, most coyotes make a stable income by testing out prototype merchandise and products, that's why they always seem to malfunction or backfire. At the end of the testing (and attempt at the roadrunner), the coyote sends back his or her notes and feedback describing what could be improved and fixed. We are very important to Acme, and Acme is very important to us.
Lastly, it's funnier if the stuff we McGyver together falls apart or fails. You know you like it!
What does a toon feel like?
Cuddle me and find out! *Spreads arms*
How did you get your name?
You know how some parents think it's a good idea to name their kids really unique and exotic names so they seem just a little more special than the other kids? It's a combination of that and the fact that I loved to grope things. I was a curious tyke with an insatiable sense of touch!
What is your sexuality?
*Face flushes red in embarrassment* Oh gee, it's really hard to talk about that when you don't have, what are those things you real people have- genitals! That's it, it's hard to talk about sexuality when you don't have genitals! I'd say my sexuality is best expressed and summed up through this video! BE WARNED! It is not entirely safe for work! I... think...
There, I'm sure that answered every question you had!
If you have questions I haven't answered, please feel free to ask them via comments, and I'll get back to you ASAP (as soon as probably)!