So this is not a good thing I'm feeling....and the circumstances are too coincidental to not mean anything.
Basically I've noticed I'm being surrounded by...suicidal things.
What I mean is that, I've been feeling very down and depressed and I knew it was from my stress but I didn't realize it was from something else too...not saying I'm psychic but I am saying that when something is wrong I can feel it...I just won't know what it is...
My friend found someone who committed suicide at his job...he's been having a hard time with cooping with what he's found...
Then another friend of mine whom me and my other friends are worried for is getting close to attempting suicide and has thought of suicide once again...
Then another of my friend's friend, yesterday was pushing everyone away and giving off vibes of suicide...
And now Markiplier a youtuber I watch, recently lost a dear friend because he had committed suicide....
It...doesn't feel right...my heart goes out to everyone who's had to deal with this and or is dealing with this....I don't know why this is coming up so suddenly and more frequently...but I know I'm not happy with it...
It's quite depressing and a bit frightening....I feel very uneasy from these close 'coincidences'....
Let me just say this once...if you are experience suicidal thoughts or attempts at suicide...
I'm not going to tell you to get help...no...instead I'm going to tell you something else....you are the only person on this planet. You literally are the only copy of yourself...you are like the gold that was first found here in our world....you find it in it's beautiful original form, its' refined over the years and though it's been circulated through others...it's managed to do so many things and change so many lives. It's managed to save some people, it's managed to help some people, and it's even managed to help others reach their goals and accomplishments and without you they would never have gotten there...
It's not that you need help...it's that you need to wipe away the darkness you see in front of you...I know this isn't much coming from someone who's struggling with depression as well...but I want you to know that despite what you may think...despite if you think the world will continue without you...despite if you think that your life doesn't matter....think of it like the gold of our world...if you disappear...it's one less thing that can be shared in this world....and this world is that much sadder because one less important piece is missing from this world...
The world is a sad cruel place...and things won't go the way you want to...I know that very well...darkness will always be around us and it will continue to be throughout our lives and our children's lives....but...take this quote to heart when I say it to you...it's helped me get through hard times so hopefully it will get through to you as well...
"Even in the material world, you will find that if you look for the light, you can often find it. But if you look for the dark, that is all you will ever see."
This quote came from a show I watched called Avatar the legend of korra...it's helped me when I was scared...when I was alone...and when I was consumed by the thoughts of realizing that there is so much darkness in our world....but thanks to this quote I had remembered that our world isn't all darkness...if it was none of us would be here now....
We wouldn't have pets that stay by our sides, we wouldn't have family members who have grown together with us in our lives, we wouldn't have the freedom of creativity to spread throughout the world....and we wouldn't have our internet that we do now to be able to read this and connect to the hearts of millions around the world...
though they are little...there ARE good things in this world...so many good things...so many things that can counteract the darkness. You just need to find it and take it one step at a time...start off with small things to be happy for...when you wake up...if you're not happy for yourself waking up...be happy for the pet you have that DID wake up...that woke up and is either walking around the house, or greeting you in it's own unique way and giving you the eyes of someone it cares and adores for enough at least to want to be around, be thankful to be able to walk on your own two feet, something that can take you places and out of your bed...instead of being trapped to your bed and cannot see the light of day...each ray of sunshine you feel be happy you can feel it's warmth and not feel the bitterness of cold...each moment that is silent, take your time to really listen...not just to the silence...but to the things beyond the silence...to the small noises of your home, the sound of the wind blowing by your window...the sound of the cars driving past...let them flow and remind you that no matter what...even if you think you are...you aren't alone...there will ALWAYS be someone nearby...whether you know them or not...there is always a person nearby....sometimes it can even be a person you cannot see...but one you can only feel.
please take the time like this to enjoy those tiny things...and if you add them all together...you eventually find out that the darkness was only there because you focused so much on it. It is alright to be afraid but do not let the fear consume you...it is alright to be angry but remember you cannot be angry forever...it is alright to be sad...but remember you are not the only one that you bring down when you shed tears..yesterday will be gone...the present is a constant thing....and there will always be a tomorrow...look forward to the tomorrow...and look forward to the now.
~Feather
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8 years, 7 months ago
20 Sep 2015 11:56 CEST
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