So many memories I better post this now before I change my mind.
Life was moving pretty fast for me before going to FCN 2009 having a big eye opener and then finding the MIFUR group through a google search. I never had any goals, or real ambitions or much of a drive even, things were so routine before then. How was I than? Well go back far enough and you'd find a straight, traditional kind of idiot who is going through the motions of living a life required by social standards and family. Deny one's true feelings, taking stance against views and practices despite even understanding some of them. Hey here is that goofy little fuck right here. High School senior year 2003-2004 [yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJN-vuIlWRI[/yt] And here is where I get my first date! Seriously how many people can answer the question, "So who was the first person you dated?" with "Well let me just pull up the video!" 2:09 [yt]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-wk6Sut2xtw[/yt] What a awkward little fuck, what the hell was wrong with me? I can barely watch it to this day even when I'm alone.
I don't miss my life before at all, it's like I was born again. So much has changed, so much has happened. So many experiences, so many people I still consider friends even if I only get to see them twice out of the year. A few I've grown close to and I know and remember everything about them and have told them all about me. Those who have been and continue to be there for me when I was feeling depressed or if I was out of line about something or will let me know if I start to get a hideous ego.
What I'm all about (or think I am) is legacy legacy legacy. I want to leave nothing but good times and pleasant memories in my wake. I want to be that person that can keep any secret and feel comfortable about being honest and open about who they are. And never allow myself to drag down any one else and try to keep to myself whenever I feel depressed, angry or alone. I want everyone to be able to say that I was honest, controversial in my views, practices, and opinions, loving, caring. I think everyone wants that for themselves one way or another.
I like to know everything about everything and everyone just for the sake of knowing. I hate living in a world where people who are different feel the need to be secretive about anything relating to themselves, whether it be their past, tastes, sexuality, desires, goals, what they enjoy doing. And it's not about flaunting or anything like that it's just being able to tell someone about whatever it may be and not be worried about judgments. I have let things get to me I have allowed anxiety to kick in and prevent me from getting work done, all because I'm hung up on what a person or two may think of me or if I said the wrong thing, acted out of line, my sarcasm being a little too convincing among other things. But there are always people to help ease that away to help me get through that whether they are made aware of it or not, and I welcome to do the same if they ever feel that way themselves. And even if I have no one, I long before learned how to cope by myself, loneliness is painful growing up but it can produce a stronger minded person I believe in the end. Yes there are people I've encountered I don't care for, I've had my share of bad moments but I don't give a shit about that, I can't hold on to that, tomorrow is always a new day, people change, grow, and mature; what good would it do to cling to any negative moment or experience? Why allow one person to ruin it all.
I'll never forget all the times I've had (especially the ones I've frozen in time) and the artwork it inspired me to create before and in the future. I do my best to keep things interesting for myself and everyone else. At this moment I can say that I'll die before I leave this and all my friends behind, whether their involved with furry or not. This is my life, go ahead and mock me for saying it, I don't care.
I think the only thing I have in mind in between having fun is managing to live out on my own and find someone to share my life with and share theirs with me. God damn, I can be one emo bitch can't I?
Maybe I'm peaking at this point and I'm on the verge of falling off the side of a mountain. Maybe I'm one problem away from going to any more cons. Maybe I'll make a mistake and find my supposed friends turn on me. Maybe I'm really just one big joke, something only whispered about when my back is turn. I don't know but right now at this very moment despite my downs and ups overall I can say I'm one content little lemur.