"I'm not afraid of dying, but of what comes after..."
I've said that so many times.
When I was much younger, I held fast to religion, being raised catholic. But the older I got, the more I became involved in activity which is most definitely not in compliance with their restrictive ideals. Then I became afraid of this all knowing god, who would surely send me to hell.
And then I got angry. I didn't care, I am what I am, and if god doesn't like it, too bad!
It wasn't until very recently, that I became enlightened. Religion and "gods" are just ways to enslave people, they are creations of humanity.
God didn't make us, we made god to suit our needs.
How convenient the amount of money god generates for the power figures in religion. Some church leaders are wealthier than royalty, presidents and the owners of multi-million/billion dollar corporations.
Not to mention the wars, political control, and sexual/ emotional abuse of members.
There is no more powerful weapon or greater danger than religion.
Sexual mutilation, wars, racism, class warfare, executions, mutilation, torture, genocide and terrorism are just a few of the things perpetrated and perpetuated in the name of religion.
So, I realized religion is a convenient weapon to control the masses. Who would dare fight a god, so, just have the god conveniently be in sync with all your desires.
After realizing I had been a victim of the most dangerous scam in history, I was quick to re-evaluate, and develop a new perspective. Beginning with research into atheism, and adopting the label atheist for myself.
But, that doesn't answer the question that scars me above all, what does happen when I die?
If there is no god, gods, muhammad, etc... Than what will I find?
Will I just cease to exist?
I heard of a scientific study involving a possible gene that could effectively stop aging, but that will probably not be completed in time for me to benefit by it.
I have no intention of getting old, and frail, and irrelevant.
So, I made another choice. I will never see forty.
At the age of thirty six, I will die, preferably doing something I like, or doing something incredibly dangerous.
Since I am eighteen now, that leaves me about seventeen years to enjoy this world.
But, what comes after?
The only way to find out is death.
Whatever I find, I will face it bravely, as I have done with almost everything else in my life, but still, I am haunted by questions.
I had wondered am I making a mistake, is there really a god, albeit a sadistic one. But were that true, I would not change myself. I would not appease this being, never.
But I truly believe these things are creations of man, and I will not worship them.
I do not believe, and I will not believe.
Why should I when I have no proof, just a group of incredibly annoying and frightening individuals.
So, I am left to wonder, when I die, and life goes on without me, where will I be?