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Malachyte

Page 07 Analysis

So, I've gotten so many comments across all my art accounts that it would take me hours to fully respond to each one; I'm not even kidding. That is effing amazing you guys, seriously. My mind is blown D:

Alright, here's my analysis, using your comments and my own thoughts put together, on what should have been done with this page, and/or the hypothetical second page that could come from this page.

What I should have done
-Make the page less cluttered, there is simply too much going on; probably turn into 1.5 pages worth of content
-Have Keri lead the way into the room, and show a shot of him with his paw on the door knob, looking back at Keri who is on the bed now, and asking something like "So now what?"
-Include a far away shot to give a sense of the room they're in, and make the scene look more relaxed; all the close-ups on this page give it an odd sense of speed or urgency
-Keri needs to be toned down. She is the dominant one in this situation, but it came off far too heavy handed
-Keri's arms are too short in the middle panel, fix that
-Continue to work on showing gender differences between the siblings (mostly making Devon retain masculinity, since I have a tendency to draw femmy boys whether I want to or not)
-Stay with the muted tones, but make sure to make walls and beds more different colours from each other
-Use more diagonals and experiment with panel box shapes and lines
-Draw venting pictures when I feel rushed to get to a part I'm looking forward to drawing

Special Thanks!
You've all helped me immensely improve my comic making skills by all the feedback you've given, and I really can't say thank you enough, no matter how annoying it gets, lol. But here's a shout out to some specific users who's comments really shook the way I look at how I make this comic, and to whom I really hold quite a lot of gratitude:
regrozenah
mercrantos
Taoaliah
jayands

[icon]Arcane[/icon]
fishface


Course of Action
I've decided not to redo this page immediately. As I've mentioned now and then, I already plan on going back and doing a revised version of every page, so I kind of want to just forge ahead (with the previous advice in mind), and make sure I get this comic done, before I worry too much over every detail. I know myself well, and I know I have a terrible habit of never finishing the things I start. I'm tired of being that way, and that's a big part of why I'm so determined to finish this comic, come hell or high water. This comic is more than just sexy time porn, it's something I'd like to use to change how I act as an artist and a person. I will stop procrastinating, and I will become a person who gets shit done!

To clarify, when I say "revised version" of the comic, I mostly just plan on changing very minor things, like making sure Devon looks boyish enough in every panel, fixing the way I drew a hand or two; just stuff like that. I also would like to add shading, as I've started experimenting with it, and found a way of doing it that I actually like, finally. So yeah, nothing huge.

Alright, time to get back to drawing!
Viewed: 123 times
Added: 7 years, 2 months ago
 
fishface
7 years, 2 months ago
A shout out? Of me?

*mind is blown*

SPIX! Now you've gone and done it, now I feel like I need to put out some content!
*gets off lazy posting ass*

I'm going to see about getting some of my stories up here. Not that they're any good, but I guess I feel like I have this need to justify being shout(ed?) out. Not that that's a bad thing :P

Now I'm going to make myself busy, thanks Spix! I can't wait to see what come up with next! :D
Malachyte
7 years, 2 months ago
This comment gave me warm fuzzies :3 I'm really glad I could unintentionally make you want to pick up the slack and get some stuff uploaded, ha ha. And thank you, for the awesome feedback! It really does help so much, and yours was particularly great ^_^
fishface
7 years, 2 months ago
Funny thing is, I didn't think that I really did that much. But I'm glad that I (in some minor way,) helped you out :)
Malachyte
7 years, 2 months ago
It was a small remark you made about the tail, actually. You mentioned that Keri keeps hers higher (something I didn't even notice I was doing), which made me stop and think about it, and want to start doing it on purpose. That led me to start a list of the differences I'd like to make in the body language between Devon and Keri in order to express their overall personalities better, which led to me finalizing just how I could improve on making Devon look more masculine, without compromising his age and such.

Chain reaction, ha ha. The littlest thing can spark a lot of ideas!
Arious
7 years, 2 months ago
Far as I'm concerned your already on the right  path already and those complaining have no idea what their talking about for the most part.  I do however have a thought for later on.  Do the first one as you are with Keri dominant in the actions, then later do another with Devon being Dominant in all the actions.  This way you cover the bases in both situations, one more realistic for twins of this sort and one for those whom believe its the other way around.  I personally prefer the route your currently going already and have no complaints.
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