I guess...it's a rather stupid title for a journal. But, of all the things in my life...I realize that I have a physical and psychological need for the music I have. My MP3 player. It means a lot to me. Not specifically the one I own. Heh, I've actually gone through 8 Sanza Fuzes within the past 2 years simply because, as nice as it is, the physical quality was pretty crappy, and it would often die on the inside.
No, I mean the music I ACTUALLY have. I need it. Not just because I love the songs on there. no, that's a given. There's so much more to it than that.
I don't really know why I felt the need to share this with you guys, I just do. I listen to what I listen to becasue it's imbedded in my life and heart. I'm sure over time, you guys have noticed that my journals are more times than not, unhappy. That's only fallen into my strongest philosophy in my own life, personally. "The only time that was truly worth the smiles of my life was my past. The present is filled with nothing but pain. And due to the pain of the present, anytime in the forseeable future will be filled with hurt, too." So, when I'm told to stop living in the past. I simply say that I cannot, because if I do, there's no way for me to be happy.
Things change constantly. That's just life. But the problem for me is that they never seem to get better and stay that way. They easily fall and get worse than the positives. My relationship with my family is...well, essentially crap. The only one I truly get along with is my sister, and more and more, she's becoming like my mother, which is, to say, becoming a nagging pain in my ass. You guys here, my friends. I get so much strength from you all, but sad to say, mostly, my negatives have been outweighing my positives. Albeit I am trying to make the support I get worth a lot more. Kaleigh's here with me. And things are going good but geez. I won't lie that I envy her in seeing she gets so much support from her family and stuff. But, as all things in life, things are always subject to change, and there are always being wrenches thrown in my plans.
But my MP3 player. That stays. My past...that stays. I have multiple playlists on it, that I listen to. All of them a pivotal part of what's happy to me. each playlist is essentially a genre, and each of them mean something to me.
Anamanaguchi - I just recently gained this playlist, consisting of the two albums, and the entire Scott Pilgrim the game soundtrack. It was a fun game, and one of the most fun times I ever spent with my little sister. It was a Christmas gift to her just a couple years back, and she and I, no matter what, was always able to enjoy that game together. So the musics of the game, and by extension, the group, really does make me feel pretty dang good about myself, and even better gives me the feeling that, because it is recent history, that there will always be hope spots in this large ocean of suck that my life mostly consists of.
Anime - Most of my life, around ages 13 to the present, I've watched this stuff. But, as its supposed to, the openings got me pumped up. Which is what's mostly on my MP3 player. It truly brought me back to the happier times, ironically just when I realized in hindsight my life started sucking. But the positive side of that, it was during the time my brother and I used to have a bond, before he became an idiot who glorified the ghetto lifestyle and racial stereotypes, including calling watching it a 'white' thing to do.
Character Music: Really, there's only one song on here. And that is the song made for me.. It was made by DJ Follow, and he did let me know that this song sounds much like my personality. I actually agree. I have it in a specific spot on my MP3 player is because whenever I need it. That boost to my mood, or somewhere I can feel like I'm in solitude, even when surrounded, I could jump right to it and it's already there.
Dissidia / Final Fantasy - Two separate playlists although they should really be considered as one. I grew up with the series. And I still love it to death. Heh, I remember as a kid, I had a dream to own every single one, including every release that they come out with. Heh, like most of those dreams, lots of them ended up falling by the wayside due to wrenches. This one, however was mostly due to the realization I was poor and would rarely own ANY titles, let alone all. Who knows, though. Someday maybe? Anyways, it is something that's important to me because the musics were so epic, that even after years of not hearing them, I can still remember "The Landing" and "The Man with the Machine Gun" from FF VIII and how I found them to be among the most epic musics I ever heard as a kid.
LP of Devastation - In truth, I like Duane and Brand0. At least when they're together. The real reason why, is that as much as I like rap I like Video Game music. And they mix the two quite well while describing the stories. Again, many of these games were the ones I grew up with, so, as an adult, I really do enjoy the fact they did put an adult twist on said games.
Nujabes - SilverX gave this to me. I like this group. It was one that branched out from my Anime playlist from one song, "Battlecry" which was the opening to Samurai Champloo, which was one of the anime that I came across on Adult Swim in my early teenage years. Again, I got older, and I appreciated Nujabes a lot more, and I nabbed the latest album. it became more important to me upon hearing about his death, because it's become more to cherish. Again, it links back to "Battlecry" and again, back to my past. The chains that I am refusing to let go of.
Pokemon - Kinda goes without saying. It doesn't have anything to do with the anime, but, instead everything to do with the fact that Pokemon Blue was the first game my dad ever gave me, even before I actually met him. That was such an awesome gift, and it was the first that belonged to me, and me alone, on a personal system, the Gameboy that he gave me. Not on a console, and thus I didn't have to share it with anyone, and I took it everywhere with me. And growing up, I focused more on the music and loved it, and how much of it really did capture the feels correctly. And with that love, I also enjoyed the remixes just as often.
Rap - First music genre I listened to. Main one I grew up with. And to this day, still love it. Maybe nothing new that's come out, but everything that IS there is part of me growing up. Played it everywhere and all the time. I didn't truly branch outside OF rap music until I was 15 and started listening to more stuff. But this playlist is very pivotal to me. During the time I was truly discovering and liking the music, as in, getting into the lyrics and appreciating the music as more than just a 'tight beat' was possibly the more important parts of my life. The times I was living in Tennessee, and actually had fun back then.
Sonic - This one is similar to my pokemon entry. Only dif was that Sonic the Hedgehog 2 for the Sega Genesis was the first game I ever played, and ever beat. And I'll never forget it. Sonic 3&Knuckles was the first Genesis game I owned to myself, and to this day, I still adore it with all of my heart, and thus have the soundtracks to the first 3 games on my MP3 player. Again, it brings me back to the time I was truly, truly happiest in my life.
Video Game - This one just goes to the VGM that I don't have enough to make a playlist of. Mario, Metal Gear Solid, Kingdom Hearts, Megaman, and some other various tracks that I've picked up over time. Now, the way the list is, it doesn't currently have as much impact, with the exception of Megaman and Mario, which, whenever I get a new player that extends beyond 8MB, will become separate playlists in their own rights, both of which have profoundly great memories attached to them.
The World Ends with You - The final soundtrack I have on here is from this game.
gave it to me after I pretty much never stopped going on about it after I checked it out from my library. I'm STILL in love with the game and holding out hope Nomura will make the sequel like he says he'd like to. I love the music so much because it's so diverse, and yet so modern. The songs are great, the game is great, simple as that. Even better is that I stumbled across the arrange/international release album a week or so ago which just makes things even better to me. It brought me back in a modern way. The game is one of the most cherished things I own right now and wouldn't give it up for the world, regardless if I play it a lot or not. But its one of those things that also lets me feel like even my present can still have such great and wonderful spots in it.
And that's the very thing. If you notice, mostly all of it has to do with aspects of my past, or making me FEEL like its part of it. The past doesn't change. I'm glad it doesn't. And this music doesn't either. Thee tracks will remain constant, and I'll have them forever. Without them, I become...lost, and confused like a blind person without their seeing eye dog. I've already found out personally that 3 days without knowing I have the ability to listen to it (I.E. losing the cord for it) had caused me to grow anxious, nervous, and a lot more grouchy. So yeah, I do need it. I need it because I hate the present and fear the future. And so long as I can filter out the crap, I can truly enjoy the past and become engrossed in it. So I can actually feel like there are at least SOME aspects of this crappy life that actually weren't crappy. And for the rest of my life, I won't be without an MP3 player. My 2 year warranty on this one is up though. If something happens...it'll be a crappy 2 weeks before I get another, that's for sure.