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AedanKitt

The most recent ramblings of a little druid boy...

Well, here I sit in the wee hours of the morning, and as it would seem I have sparked a fire.

I can not get back to sleep for all the activity in my noggin'. I awoke earlier to what I thought was the sound of a rather large explosion. It was but a short evening nap, an escape really from the frenetic ride of yesterday's emotions really. I have seen some highs... And yet, like Icarus I fell to some pretty sodden lows. It has been a rough go at it really.

Anyway, back to this fire...

Occurrence. The comings and goings of a moment or maybe even a series of moments.

Curiosity. When the occurrence of one's moments brings you to experience the unexpected.

I was sitting about in a bit of a dull, having been awoken as I have aforementioned by a loud explosive, and percussive, force. I even went outside to look for it! Mum heard nothing of it neither. So I settled down to watch television briefly and fuss at Alli for being into everything. I had gone to nap because I was feeling down. Really lowly... Honest. As things have been, or not, for a time now. However, the sleep proved to be a very weak solution. So, I just sat around like a lump, until mum went to bed for the night. She had expressed, "Alright! I'll do it!", in response to something I was totally unaware of. My best assumption is she was dreaming or hearing things too as she had dosed off, laying on my futon bed.

I prowled the television for something to watch, but my heart really was not in it. I rarely watch television in fairness. So I then turned to looking around the internet. I fussed with trying to strike up a few conversations with some folks, but that only became a "rainy day parade" for me to discuss how lothsome I was feeling. A horrid habit I tend to replicate often when I'm feeling down. Eventually, my social activities fizzed out though and I decided to try and just go back to sleep.

Here is where things got curious however. Something within my frustration stirred me, agitated as a hornet, I just wanted to sleep and sleep soundly... Or maybe soundless... For a change! So I decided to do some ritual cleansing of my sleeping space. I took cue from old and tried methods. Once before in my past, when I moved in with my first boyfriend, I had a tick of a time with an entity that liked to harass me when I would sleep. I was not really deep into the spiritual river at that point in my life, yet I was aware and instinctual enough to know something was askew. Anyway my solution to that problem was good old SALT! So, I salted the four corners of my bed. I lit some incense on a nearby bookshelf. Sprayed some lavender roomspray around my bed area. Dusted my sheets with some baby powder for good measure. Then lastly I retrieved a large tumbled amazonite I recently got from a friend.

With all that done I scurried into bed and quickly found that I relaxed. I rolled the stone in my palm and quietly invoked a personal guardian spirit and within a short amount of time I found my mood had elevated and stabilized. To some this all may be psychological and nothing more, and you know what, if it is that is ok. If it works it works!

However, as you have likely guessed by now, I never went to sleep like I had intended. Rather, my mind mulled over spiritual things. It was in this time of wandering the inside of my skull, that little fires started to ignite. I began to glean, form, or perhaps, rediscover different ways of thinking. Rituals came and went. Curious questions awoke. Then... Research needed to be done! All to find how curiously elegant everything had wove together by the end.

In this time a voice awoke, "The highest belief, is the belief in one's self.", it abided with absolute certainty. As if to say, if you can trust in nothing else, no other belief, or sacred thing, believing in yourself was enough. More than enough actually. It was provocative actually. People can believe so staunchly in so many things... Yet, rarely do we believe so in ourselves. It ultimately became empowering and liberating for me as I laid there.

This revisory idea was also aided by some research I did and a prior event. A week ago when I was in the hospital, I had colored this image of a dragon. It was the first one I did of several. It was the only one I kept for myself. So many people were impressed by my work with it, myself included. One day while I was in my room at the hospital I was looking at it. I don't know why I thought this but I kept looking at it and it was like I saw something special in it. I thought to myself, "This will be like a mascot. I will sit it here on the shelf by my bed and it will look over me and my well-being.", and then I thought, "She must have a name?", and a name came to me. I smirk when thinking back on it because it seems so juvenile and yet honest. Here was a colored photo that I had just done, I had quickly wrote a name in crayon on the back of it, and then put it up for display as any proud lad would have done. Looking back on it however, it may have been the most purely magical thing I have ever done...

I say this because some people will argue away the moon and all the stars to you that Angels are real. Even despite having never actually seen one. But what of dragons? Nah, that stuff is the things we tell children about... Well, for me maybe it is all in belief itself. Or in the belief of self. Or the belief of something. So tonight I looked up the name I wrote on the back of the dragon photo that I had wrote down... Just going of phonetics I was elated to discover it means "protector of men" or sometimes just "protector of...", which I believe is a very curious occurrence when you really consider all I've said here.

Belief has a power all its own... And we call it magic...
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