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Have You Ever...

How to word this?  How to word this?  Almost ten years and it's still as difficult as ever to explain how this has affected me, in so profoundly a way that sometimes I can't tell if it's real or not -- in my dreams or otherwise.  Some may wonder why I draw Azlynn so much and not really anything (or anyone) else.  It's not that I can't draw anything or anyone else, it's that nothing else really gives me a reason to.  Azlynn is... well, that's what's so difficult to describe.  I suppose the description would have to come in the form of a question:

Have you ever loved someone so much that you couldn't let go?

Well, that's the way I feel about him.  He's the closest thing to the son I never had, and so that's why I refer to him as my son.  Having said that, it's really hard for me to find the time to really wind down and relax when I'm hopped up on creative energy all day.  This is a 24/7 affair, and so in that way it's my own best friend and my own worst enemy.  The time I get to spend drawing Azlynn is a lot like me spending time with my son -- just him and I and nothing else in between.  Whether writing or drawing, working with Azlynn doesn't feel like work at all, though I must admit that writing stories about him proves to be most difficult because he is such a complex character -- kind of like I am internally complex, but externally simple.  That, and it's really hard to write a story about a character who is internally complex because the character is the story.  There are aspects of different genres that are blended into a single story, and this makes sticking to a single genre relatively easy.

It's true that Azlynn doesn't only look a little like his dad, he is his father's son.  I know one day I'll be able to hug and kiss him, and tell him how he was there for me long before he was born,and proceed to show him a world of love, peace, and understanding... to give him back everything he's given me.  Yes, that makes me a proud daddy, whether he is real or not.
Viewed: 27 times
Added: 7 years, 3 months ago
7 years, 3 months ago
It's not hard for me to understand why you draw Azlynn. By your wording it sounds like Azlynn is an embodiment of elements of yourself and the son you wish you had. Some or most artists do put a bit of themselves in their characters.
This journal entry is even a reflection of why I have an electric guitar. I'm not great at playing it and nor good, barely okay at it when compared to any seasoned pro you can mention. Why do I play it now and then? For me it's therapy at times when I play in clean sound. At other times it's an outlet when I need to listen to my own metal guitar playing.
7 years, 3 months ago
I completely understand where you're coming from; my main character, though I haven't gotten around to actually posting an image of her, is the one character I think the most about. She's like the key to my imagination, a muse, the bold child I never was, and she means a whole lot to me, to the point where I was worried I was the only one! I frequently get frustrated with her when something doesn't feel right about the character, and sometimes it's gotten to the point where I almost want to scrap her, but then I just can't let go because she means too much to me and it'd almost feel like I was abandoning my child. I think, in a way, characters are like our children - we give "birth" to them, after all. :3

If you feel happiest drawing Azlynn, by all means keep drawing him. Your art should make you happy, and I think most will understand how you feel. :3
7 years, 3 months ago
growing up i had a best friend he was like the brother i never had i grew attached to him . we drifted apart once i moved house when i was younger . we tried to stay in contact but living in to different towns was hard . we went form spending everyday and night together to just seen each other once every few weeks to not seen each other at all.

 i didn't see him for over a year, one day i saw him in a shop as i was passing . he had changed so much i didn't say hi to him but i watch him and i was breaking down in side. here was my friend but he had changed in a way i never thought he would (what i considered a bad way) i got really upset and i went home holding in the tears as i walked home thinking of him. this was my best friend i loved him so dearly. i never even knew what love was but i loved him.

I tried to get in contact with him and even tried to meet up for a day but we never did. we had just grown apart and had matured into to different people.

I will always love him and i miss him dearly but he will always be with me in side.

( i don't think of the past as gone forever i think of it as happing still) to me were still playing and hanging out like we used to just in the past . I cant see it with my eyes but when i close my eyes my memories are a visual into the past where we are together and happy.
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