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Taking a moment to Reflect...

Tomorrow is the start of hunting season. Normally at this time, my dad and I would be laying out our guns, getting them all ready, laying out our camouflage and picking our favorite candy bars at the store to put in our packs. I would be hurriedly making sure I had my deer tags, and he would make sure we both got to bed so we could get up early.

In the morning we would make it up to our spot and take the truck in, I loved the smell of the dust, the sagebrush. The chill in the air. We would unload the atv and head off, my arms around my dad and him driving. He would tell me which way to lean if we came across a ditch or some rocks, he would show me tracks and signs of animals. He would point out old Pioneer graves and old, ancient houses..once so full of love.

Then we would go to "our rock" and sit and watch the hills through binoculars. As the sun rose, we would see the city far out, and hot air balloons starting to rise. It was silent. I had my Dad. I had love, the world...was good. It wasn't even about hunting...it was about a Father and his Daughter, his little girl that admired him and loved him so much through the years....and now, I sit here crying into his hunting jacket, having some very depressing personal issues and mental issues, and I don't feel like I have a friend in this whole world. I miss him, so very much. Why did Cancer have to take him?

I think about my past, and making these suits and giving refunds, and this is the first time in my life I have ever tried to do something to make Dad truly proud. He is my driving force. I think about so much I have been through, and others have been through, and I feel horrible, HORRIBLE for missing deadlines and such. I always wanted to make people happy. And now, I am the underdog. The person no one believes in.

You know what though? I have learned SO SO much, and I truly feel it has changed my life and my outlook on things. I am mentally in a very dark place, but I know I can make others happy by making the suits I owe and such. I don't have to be the underdog. I will not stop trying until every suit and every penny is returned. I WILL make things right, and I truly hope you have all seen through my updates that I am. I am communicating with people, answering questions, making new deadlines,  Constantly working, communicating, putting in for jobs. WHY am I doing this you ask? To do the right thing. To make my Dad proud. To prove everyone wrong. And for once in my life....to be worth something to someone out there.

I am pushing myself.  But I will NOT give up.
I love you, Dad. Happy Hunting in Heaven.

Viewed: 43 times
Added: 5 years, 7 months ago
5 years, 7 months ago
im sry you feel bad about whats happend to us the comissioners but we as comissioners need to realyze life happens and there isnt anything that can stop random evernts from happening. we houd support you through the hard times and not hound you about comissions nor refunds because it makes life harde than it should be durring the hard times. i lost my brother to cncer when i was younger so i know what its like to loose a family member your close to. and that being said we will be happy no matter what just keep your head up and stride for what needs to be done because i think we all know what your going through to an extent. but we should all also not be so uptight because art takes time and cant be rushed. good luck with your ventures and getting back on your feet were rooting for you every step of the way.
5 years, 7 months ago
Thank you, I am happy that you feel that way. However, Im not sure most folks do, and I hope in time I can show them different as well. *hugs*
5 years, 7 months ago
*hugs back* its an artist thing most of us understnd what you go through because weve gone through the same
5 years, 7 months ago
I agree with everything Carinaroo said.   *Hugs you tightly*
5 years, 7 months ago
It's hard to lose family after getting close. I can't imagine what it would be like when my parents' time finally comes. A few years ago, my family was hit with a string of 3 deaths. First my uncle, then my Nana, and then my Grandpa. It's definitely hard.

But keep your head up. Even with the commissions/refunds that you have to deal with, you'll get them done. Keep your head up, keep thinking about making your Dad proud, and keep offering progress. Right now, that's all that people want. To see you doing progress on what work you have to do. If you can keep showing that, then things will go great for you.
5 years, 7 months ago
You're doing a fantastic job, you're a strong girl, and you will make it through this, you are making your father proud, just by trying. I respect you greatly, I saw the scenario you were in before, and I invested trust in you, I was right to invest my trust despite the odds, and its paying off. Because I was right, you are genuine, and I'm sure you can prove that to people through what you are doing. Keep up the good work
5 years, 7 months ago
That was sweet and touching. A very nice tribute to a wonderful father.
I lost my Dad Halloween night. So FurFright is always bittersweet, as Halloween will always have that connection for me.
Good luck on your quest. You're doing the right thing.
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